MONSTER HOUSE by jaiskizzy

in a seemingly peaceful neighborhood there is a house, inhabited by a scary mean old man who terrorizes kids that step on his front lawn. dj is a kid who lives right across and he monitors everything that happens around the house. when his fat friend chowder's basketball ends up on the house's area of responsibility, they retrieve it only to come face to face with the gruesome geriatric ghoul himself... who suddenly has a heart attack and dies. soon, the house becomes haunted and not the way we all know haunted houses. seemingly possessed by the old man's ghost, the house roars to life with window eyes, wood plank teeth and a carpet tongue. who you gonna call? ghostbusters!

i really think that just about every kid, especially in my generation, had their own nebbercracker and their “adventure” stories to tell about him. there’s the old neighbor who owned a fruit tree and would come out with a shotgun if kids dared to climb it. (and then there’s that really bad one we usually see in the news, he who cant keep his hands to himself…) mine was my mother’s grumpy old father, but not as menacing as nebbercracker. that was eons ago, when he was still alive and strong, and me a young boy who still played in the dirt with my cousins. we weren’t really that afraid of him, making him mad was actually a bit of a laughing matter for us. remember those little firecrackers with string on either end that when you pulled them, the firecracker would go off? well, i tied one of those to the bathroom door while gramps was taking a bath and when he came out, boom! my cousins ratted me out and i got a good whacking then. anyways, the point of this flashback is that monster house is a movie that everyone can relate to, and it doesn’t just end with the villainous old man. take for example dj, damn i was that kid. all grown up but still treated like a baby. then there’s chowder, didn’t we all have that kind of friend at least once? and of course, pretty girl jenny, we all had (and still have) our jennies. that one girl you had the biggest crush on and gave you your first and subsequent pimples.

because of this, monster house is a refreshing take on the cgi genre. all we’ve seen recently are talking animals, talking cars, more talking animals, and talking ants (again?!). kids are eating up these movies like free candy and it was a brave move to take the path least treaded, the people behind monster house deserve kudos for that reason alone. and they came up with an animated movie that is almost real, where the kids acted like real kids, and the characters and situations mirrored the ones in our own lives. the only other movie i could compare this to is goonies, and that was live action. well, you know how most kiddie adventure movies are, kids are in trouble and the adults wont listen or believe them and so they face the perils themselves. a tried and tested formula put to good use the way we haven’t seen it. one different thing they did here was the person the kids turn to for guidance: a pizza guy named skull who has all the high scores in an arcade game. to them, he is the all-knowing one and the only one who would care about the sht they’re in. that’s some great writing if you ask me.

the voice acting was perfect. only ones i recognized were steve buscemi as nebbercracker and maggie gyllenhal as the babysitter, but that doesn’t mean the others weren’t great. because they were and they fit the roles like condoms. take for example pixar’s cars. cars don’t talk but after the movie, you might say that a talking car could sound like that. in monster house, dj and the rest of the characters sound exactly like they look and the way they would if you bumped into them in real life. and i need not even discuss how good the animation is, every cgi movie that comes out after the last one just ups the ante that im guessing there will be virtually no use for real actors in the near future (which i honestly hope never happens, at least not until jessica alba bares it all). for me, chowder seemed the most realistic of them. his movements were just… right. there’s a very noticeably big difference between a cartoony turn of the head and humanly real turn of the head. chowder, and the rest of the “cast”, had the latter. my only gripe about this movie are the unreal parts, like the inside of the house (the outside, i bought. but the inside was just too much. an uvula?!) and the unbelievable climactic end sequences. they should have retained the realism a bit more. good twist ending though. oh and if you pay attention, there are some good jokes in there that only an adult would get.

this movie was the brainchild of a guy fresh out of film school. good job dude. plus, he was backed up by the best in the business. robert zemeckis and steven spielberg? ‘nuff said.

the good: animation, story, and that freakin house.
the bad: the house’s interior and the over-the-top sequences.
the ugly: the old man’s wife.
the score: 8 bottles of urine.


home skiz home

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DEATH TRANCE by jaiskizzy

a samurai-lookin dude wrecks havoc in a temple and steals a mysterious coffin that carries a myth that it can grant wishes. soon a rumor spreads that a monster of a man is making rounds and killing off people, keeping the heads in a coffin, all the while accompanied by a child. later, a monk arrives at the temple and is sent by the archbishop to find the thief and bring the coffin back. he is given a sword with a handle that resembles a penis and cannot be unsheathed. from there it's fight after fight after fight. who is destined to pull the sword out of its scabbard? why it's entitled death trance, i'll never know. or care. japanese live action anime is the shiznit, baby!

i first used "live action and anime" together when i reviewed another japanese film in the past, casshern (click here if you want to read it). live actors performing anime-type action. in perfect execution. combined with anime-type shots and more or less the same kind of storytelling. well, i guess only the japanese can pull off something like that, anime is theirs anyways, because here's another example of that cinematic splendor. actually, most of the japanese action movies ive come across kinda utilize the same formula one way or another and i guess that's their trademark, same way that high flying kung fu is the trademark of chinses action films. what's the trademark of pinoy action movies? is it the rapid succession of punches to the stomach punctuated by a clap to the ears? the destruction of cars that were obviously taken from the junkyard? or the big warehouse final gunfight/brawl scene? doesnt matter anyways. i mean, there really hasnt been any decent (couldnt use good) pinoy action film recently. or has there been any action film at all?

anyhow, while our local action stars are busy trying to save their carrers on tv, the rest of the world just keeps getting better and better. like the emergence of tony jaa for instance. in japan, tak sakaguchi is one of the top action stars. i first saw him in the movie versus (a good one). death trance is the very much-awaited follow up to that movie, helmed by the same director. they basically have the same approach: most characters are nameless, tak is the best fighter, everyone wants him dead. in death trance however, tak is up against better opponents, worthy of his fighting skills. there's this one woman who kicks his ass, a couple of ninjas, and a group of zombies that fight back. then there's the final battle sequence where he's up against... a goddess. of destruction. cool eh? of course, there are also some characters who are on his side. well not actually allies, they're just drawn by the same purpose: the coffin. there's the monk, and then there's the little girl who resembles rin, sesshoumaru's sidekick in inuyasha. this little girl drinks blood instead of milk. oh yeah, steven seagal's son is there too and he's got a gun. and a sword. and a really stupid looking haircut which is an example of how those weird and cool anime haircuts would look like in real life.

dialgoue's kinda bad, costumes were good, the action, great. tak's fight scenes arent like the usual ones we see in other movies. nothing fancy or outrageous. he just gets it done, punching his way through, beating them with his stick (which turns out to be not just an ordinary stick). oh, and this is one of the few movies ive seen where the punches do connect. tak takes care of business with coolness and arrogance, he just knows he'll be the last man standing. and smiling. when he falls down, he just goes back right up, none of that dramatic slow-mo sht. steven seagal's son does clean house differently though. gun, sword, and at one point he even builds together a rocket launcher out of nowhere. which sorta puts the timeline in modern times right? but there are no buildings and no one's wearing a watch or using a cellphone. they're all dressed like it's the feudal era. must be post-apocalyptic japan. well, wherever or whenever that is, it's not a good idea to go walking alone in the woods if you cant fight, 'cause you aint goin nowhere.

when the end credits roll, tak is named grave although nobody ever calls him that in the movie. i guess the director felt names arent important in this kind of movie, you just remember the characters. unlike in many pinoy movies, the characters' names dont even fit the actor or actress. sheesh. anyways, death trance is a great film if you take it as it is. ask nothing more and you will be rewarded by bottomline mindless but fun dynamic entertainment. else, stay away and watch something like you are the one. eugh!

the good: the hits, the weapons, tak sakaguchi's coolness.
the bad: no back stories, no names, no plot.
the ugly: the throbbing penis sword. and the goddess of destruction didnt look much like a goddess.
the score: 8 chained up coffins.


skizziguchi

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