TAXI DRIVER by angel

Don “Skizzo Four-Eyes” Corleone introduced me to this blog to make a review about Old Boy but I don’t know how to construct the right words in that sick, mind-blowing, wickedly vengeful film. I need to mellow out from the old ultra-violence for my insomnia attack.

I think I am supposed to be sleeping at this time. But to be honest, I can’t really sleep, I’ve been insomniac for weeks now I don't know what it is I feel. I can't help but feel like some people don't care. I can't help but feel like I've put too much out, and now I can't get it back. I can't even visit memories anymore, because I can't regain the feelings I had. And because I can't figure out where to put my raging thoughts, I think more. And as I think more, I have more thoughts to place. So I keep piling them up, and I know that there's no cure for it.

The film “Taxi Driver” suddenly popped, since it’s my favorite Mr. Sandman-bring-me-a-dream flick, I thought I could give Mr. Four-Eyes Corleone’s invitation to be part of his movie mafia. My apologies for my incoherently erroneous construction of sentences and swearing my dear brothers and sisters so here it goes…

Taxi Driver was portrayed by Robert De Niro as Travis Bickle, a young man that is trying to be an anti-hero in his fucking neighborhood or his so called city to be living in. He’s a lonely Vietnam vet insomniac wanderer who is trying to find meaning in his life by trying to assassinate a presidential candidate and by attempting to rescue a teenage prostitute from the mean streets of New York, and trying to free this burnt out hole using violence. I’m talking about insanity without the draw back, It’s about this lonely desperate man who can’t fucking sleep and giving all the best he could by trying to court a beautiful girl named “Betsy” played by Cybill Shepherd.

I’ve seen all types of film from gore to sick but this one gives me the creeps. By the time I reach the fucking climax of this fucking movie, it gives me this sort of a butterfly effect on me fucking stomach. But the one that really bugs me is the time that Travis took Betsy in a fucking movie theater, wherein they actually played a series of this fucking triple X movie in front of the servile scums.

By the time Travis went on in an extended shoot out in a fucking apartment building to rescue Iris was exciting as hell can get. This is the time were in all hell breaks loose. The fucking musical score was awesome. Scorsese tried to manipulate the viewers mind by projecting the movie through it’s astonishing soundtrack that portrays the gritty streets of New York. The strongest moments of this film occur during De Niro's disturbing "You talkin' to me?" monologue, the malicious beating of a robber's corpse by a victimized store owner and Iris's sexually frank business routine displayed during Travis' paid visit to her carnal abode which Harvey Keitel keeps himself satisfied and full. Brutal and insane director Martin Scorsese's homicidally impulsed husband is a racially vulgar gem that epitomizes the insanity of this film, as does Travis' punk hair-do which represents his further disintegration into deluded insanity. But throughout out the film, De Niro act as if he is too drunk to act or he is just acting as himself. I also think that he’s a real badass hottie but not in a flashy kind of way though, and brings the silly fan girl in me *drools*

Ironically and tragically, Travis' assassination attempt on the Presidential candidate in this film inspired the shooting of President Ronald Reagan in 1981. The shooting was done by John Hinckley, in an attempt to impress Jodie Foster. All-in-all, this movie was the near best masterpiece of a brilliant and awesome director Martin Scorsese, and wouldn’t be made without the blistering performance of Robert De Niro and the rest of the cast, especially Jodie Foster who perfectly personified this teenage bitch in a pristine, unadulterated act. That’s all folks, I hope you liked it.

The Verdict: 9 pillows, a blanket and a dose of Valium

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THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM by obi

[CAUTION: SPOILERS!]

A young kid, Jason, kung-fu fan and Chinese film geek, stumbles upon an antique metal staff that transports him back to ancient China. Later on, as he met the Drunken Master (Jacky Chan), he'll be aware of his destiny to return the relic to its rightful owner - the Monkey King (Jet Li) - which is in NO way easy as the grumpy Jade Warlord and his gazillion-strength Jade honchos together with his chick lieutenant (who has hairs like X-Men's Storm's crossed with Rapunsel's) will stop at none (except a good bargain bazaar in Binondo, maybe) to snatch the metal staff and destroy it for good. It's doubly hard for our hero too since the Jade Warlord's lair itself housed the legendary Monkey King who has been turned into a stone statue.

Ala "Fellowship of the Ring", the duo happens along the avenging cutey "marry-Obi-ten-times-please" Golden Sparrow (Liu Yi Fei) and the Silent Monk (Jet Li, again) who share the same objectives with them... to kill the Jade Emperor and return the mystic staff to the Monkey King, respectively. The foursome journey towards the Jade Warlord's fortress and exhibited kung-fu prowess along the way as Jade minions after Jade minions sought for their heads. Jason also started his kung-fu training along their quest and started hitting on Golden Sparrow too (he sucks though... i mean, c'mon man... between him, an aging drunk, and a weird probably-celibate monk, how could he NOT make good progress on the pretty chinky chick. Tsk tsk... kelangan magpaturo neto kay Gerald Anderson!).

To make things short, they made their way to the Jade Fortress where a HUGE brawl happened typical kung-fu flick's many-is-to-one style, and awaken the Monkey King. The Jade Warlord died on the melee and so is Golden Sparrow (leaving Jason still score-less... HAHA... loser). Order was restored in the Kingdom and Jason was returned home.

As a film epilogue of sorts, back at the modern time, Jason meets a Golden Sparrow incarnation (I say, she's still prettier in Chinese garb). Maybe that's his chance to blow it up again.

To sum up the whole film in general, it's an Americanized old kung-fu movie. "Old kung-fu movie" in that apparently it's reminiscent of that time when Chinese martial arts movies hit international attention with the claim to fame of the likes of Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee and Ramon Zamora (?? hehe). "Americanized" in that Chinese influences on the film has been dampened by Western humour and story development.

The plot's a no-brainer. Everything's made up as soon as Jason was transported back in time. No surprising twists, not even a subplot (unless you consider Jason's L-A-M-E attempt to create a love story with Golden Sparrow). But... BUT, still I'll have to admit I much enjoyed the movie (staring at Golden Sparrow aside).

The stunts are good (the "wire-works" are flawless). The fight scenes awesome! The cinematography... breathtaking. The humour... fun!

Jacky Chan and Jet Li are still good with their craft. Their kung-fu is nowhere as swift as during their younger years but their fight choreography are still impressive to watch, especially with Jacky Chan donning his "drunken fist" technique again. Jacky Chan versus Jet Li, nuff said. This is history, man!

I can't see much antagonism on the Jade Warlord's acting, same with his female lieutenant, but when I started remembering back what I can recall of the old kung-fu flicks I've watched when I was a kid, I realized you can't really hate most of their antagonists because of sheer ominousness. They simply lack the aura that will make you say "I soooo hate this guy" as soon as you see them. Lame acting goes to Jason. Mediocre acting goes to Miss Sparrow (whose role I don't really think necessary aside from having a pretty-face on board). Kudos to Jacky and Jet too for taking on two different roles.

Another thing to watch out is the Chinese-speaking characters' English dialogues. It threw me off in confusion in some scenes before I got a grip on what they meant but if you've watched a couple of Jacky Chan films before, you should already know what I'm saying.

Aside from two pretty chinky chicks (White-Haired Lieutenant versus Golden Sparrow) fighting over MY attention, this movie has lots of other fantasy lore to offer with a mix of humour and kung-fu to boot. If not for those, just watch it because of the Jet-Jacky tandem!

Nine chinky gulamans, for crying out loud!


(from jaiskizzy: dude, it's jackie not jacky. dont ask for my help when he kicks your ass. hehe)

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I'M A CYBORG, BUT THAT'S OK by moira

Another progeny of Chan-Wook Park’s brilliance.

Only cuter.
In a demented way.

Intrinsically different from his earlier efforts particularly his revenge trilogy. “I'm A Cyborg But That's OK” renders a rather charming and disturbing air. Young-goon, who was played gracefully by Su-jeong Lim (A Tale of Two Sisters, Sad Movie) is admitted to a local asylum after she owned up to her mother that she’s a cyborg. While assembling a radio, she slashed her wrists one fine day at the factory, taped it together with a nude electric wire and plugged the cord in. Hence, a cute little mad cyborg.

She won’t eat since she thinks she’ll break and to live she charges herself a transistor radio. Il-soon, played by Rain. Yes, the pop icon is one of the looney lot who plays mean ping-pong and likes to scratch his arse a lot. Abandoned by his mother, who took all the electronic toothbrushes with her, Il-soon became obsess with his teeth, clever, custom-built face masks and in stealing people’s things, including their souls.

When Young-goon refuses to eat real food apart from alkaline batteries and became very week, Il-soon realized his fate as her aid. Out of his genius, he created Rice Megatron – a device that will turn food, rice and precious radishes into energy so Young-goon can eat like a “real” human. I say, ok.

Adored every aspect of this rather peculiar film. Asylums, hospital gowns, shock therapies, massacred doctors and nurses and lots of crazy people up and about. It is how I like a love story to be: Disturbed and charmingly witty.

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OLDBOY by moira

[CAUTION: SPOILERS]

The movie begins with Oh Dae-su’s tight clutch to the tie of this man who’s about to jump off a skyscraper while holding a dog. Oh Dae-su introduced himself and the frame then relapsed15 years back. “Classic.”, I thought to myself.

Behold. You’ll see the not-so-cool Oh Dae-su, with a bleeding nose, utterly drunk and acting superbly stupid, while thrashing at a local police station. After he pissed everybody off, he was bailed out and was abducted and locked away from everything he once knew, leaving only a violet umbrella with a distinctive and ornate design as an insinuation of who his abductor was.

Why?

Was the teeming question in my head and so as Oh Dae-su’s as he was slitting his wrists, writing the names of the people he fought with, bothered and hurt – and while masturbating to a girl on TV who isn’t “fleshly” nor “sexual” to masturbate to. The rest of his time, he devoted to his “imaginary training” to equip himself for his opportune revenge - which, by the way, a 15-year wait.

He woke up inside a suitcase at the same building top where the movie began. Saw the first human being apart from the guy who delivers his meals, so pardon the weirdness. This guy, by the way, was the guy who’s about to jump off a skyscraper while holding a dog. He jumped eventually.

But I remember him say this before he took his last flight out: “Mister, Even though I’m no worse than a beast, don’t I have the right to live?” I was stirred by this for some inane reason.

Oh Dae-su, now looking quite rad walked the streets in flames, at least only on the inside. He met this girl named Mido at a local sushi restaurant where he ate live squid or something with tentacles. This was also the occurrence where he first spoke to his captor. Oh Dae-su passed out afterwards.

He wound up at Mido’s place. From here, his rummage around for his tormentor began. With the help of Mido, this peculiar girl who cries over nothing, they began to trace the crumbs which led them to this guy who looks like a typical Koreanovela dude, Lee Woojin. Certainly, before they did, there were violence, teeth torture, gang brawls, hypnotism, deceit, sex, bondage, incest and lots of valium gases. Lee Woojin has been “kind” enough to leave them hints wrapped in the same violet and ornate packaging as the design of the umbrella. They looked into all possible searches for whatever may be the cause of Oh Dae-su’s ordeal. He was given 5 days to figure the puzzle out. 5 days to untangle a 15-year old wrath. Wow.

“Be it a grain of sand or rock, in water they sink as the same.”

A sin is a sin no matter how small it is. If you’re nosy back in high school and you like to talk about other people’s business a lot, like telling one of the Evergreen Oldboys that you saw Lee Woojin and her sister, Soo Ah sucking faces and bosoms in the Chemistry lab resulting to the girl’s untimely death by freefalling off a bridge after she learned that she's bearing both her daughter and niece, then you need to rethink your life over.

SPOILER STARTS HERE:
Stop reading if you must. You’ve been warned.

It might cost you your freedom for 15 incessant years and a big bulk of your sanity. It could also lead you to fucking your own daughter in the process, which of course, you won’t know until it’s been revealed to you by the tormentor, you’ve wronged. How? By locking you up for a decade and a half with only a television as your window to the universe, by pointing you as the murderer of your own wife, by putting you under relentless hypnosis and by making you believe that you’re the one who’s fixing on vengeance when in truth, it’s the other way around.

I didn’t just tell you that.

I drew one, too many hypothesis as to what the film is about. I even reckoned that the entire occurrence were just fragments of Oh Dae-su’s mind and was illusory since a rather familiar pattern was omnipotent in the entire set up: The ornate design of the violet umbrella, the walls, the clue containers, etc. In the end, I just thought the ornate designs were intended to make the hypnosis work.

Anyway, what happens after vengeance has been realized? Well, two things: The person taking on revenge would either live or rest in peace. In this case, Lee Woojin shot himself in the temples with such great execution and authenticity, you’d almost think it’s real. Suicide’s the ultimate “fuck you”, really - and I just quoted a line from Gingersnaps.

As for Oh Dae-su, I’d say he died too. In a profound way.

I don’t even have to stress out that the movie was superbly structured and carefully plotted like how a revenge movie should be. The cast played their respective roles gracefully as if they’re the characters themselves, particularly Choi Min-sik, who was both disarming and compelling as Oh Dae-su. Cinematography’s splendid as well. I can make out superlative stills from screen pauses anytime.

The best dish served though was the spectacular twist in the end. There were two actually. Else, I was dumbfounded by the fact that Oh Dae-su means “Getting along with people”. It didn’t happen. Lastly,

“Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone.”

(don skizzo's note: a better review than mine, even with the spoilers. i still call dibs on owning oldboy. and i dont mean just the dvd. see you in la fin absolue du monde, moira)

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NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN by jaiskizzy

gist: that doctor dude in planet terror who injected his hot wife's hands with anesthesia goes hunting for deer in the desert and happens upon the aftermath of a fucked-up drug deal. he finds a suitcase filled with money and finders-keepers it. hot on his heels is this creepy guy with a haircut that looks like it was done by a retarded barber, who is probably dead because this creepy guy has "killing people" under interests in his friendster profile. hot on this guy's heels is two-face from batman forever except that he doesn't have two faces this time so he's just one-face now. also, he doesn't do the coin flip thing, the creepy bad haircut guy does it.

the reaction: if you haven't seen the big lebowski, then you should 'cause you've missed out a bit. (i know i have, because i havent seen enough coen bros. movies. anyone got fargo?). it's one of my favorite movies and not just because of jesus quintana and tara reid offering a blowjob for 1 gs. anyways, so the story for no country for old men is not about deported geezers but basically revolves around three dudes chasing each other, the centerpiece being bad haircut guy who is like a robot built for killing (like the terminator, but minus one-liners), a calm, emotionless murderer who whacks his targets without double thoughts, remorse or care. he's like, "hmm, i think i'll kill this man." bam! man's dead. this dude is so badass, he could probably eat a running chainsaw and shit steak knives. his weapon of choice, though, is this cattle gun, a tank of compressed air on one end and a thing that can punch holes on people's heads and unlock doors on the other. if you ever see your doorknob suddenly flying across the room, run.

great acting from javier bardem (bad haircut guy). i cant imagine anyone else filling the role. he instantly soared high on my list of favorite movie villains. and i dont think anybody in hollywood can sport a haircut like that and still look mean. tommy lee jones was kinda meh, but still okay, echoing a bit his role in the fugitive. moss, a.k.a. josh brolin, good actor as well. in complete contrast to his menacing role in that grindhouse half, here, i was actually rooting for him and wanted him to escape bad haircut guy's clutches. i know bad haircut is a professional killer, but if he ever failed on a hit, i wanted it to be moss.

great direction though by the coens. the movie had just the right tension that you cant wait to see what would happen next. it wasn't too talky, which is good. my favorite scenes are the coin toss scene in the store with the old man (suspensefuller than recent horror films) and how bad haircut guy steals medical supplies from a pharmacy. he's like the macgyver of murderers, man. nice touch also with the absence of a music score, except for a couple of parts, but even then they were so subtle. i just didnt like how the story ended like that. we followed moss, bad haircut guy and tommy lee jones like stalkers all throughout the movie so much and then all of a sudden, an event happens but we only get to see the aftermath and the movie is done. ftw? still, i'd choose that ending over pinoy movie song-and-dance-in-the-beach endings any day.

all in all, no country for old men deserved the oscar win. hats off to the coens...except i dont wear a hat. glasses off then.

the good: story, pacing, villain.
the bad: a "huh?" ending.
the ugly: that fuckin haircut.
the verdict: 8 cattle guns.


your friendo, skizzo.

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SEX AND DEATH 101 by jaiskizzy

the gist: an engaged dude's smooth life goes bumpy (or perfect, depending on perspective) when he receives an email containing a list of names of the women he'd had sex with in the past. but the list does not end with the name of his fiancee. there's even more names below it and soon he realizes that the rest are the ones he will screw in the future. how cool is that? of course, he does what any real man would do: call off the wedding and follow the list. meanwhile, a mysterious woman dubbed "death knell", played exquisitely by winona ryder (where have you been?), is going around town "killing" guys who have committed sex crimes. and so i ask, will this femme fatale and that fortuned fornicator find each other? but more importantly, where can i get my list?! come on!

the reaction: do you guys know the death clock? you know, the website where you do some inputs and it tells you the exact day you would supposedly die? if it's true, then mine's soon. it's still years away, but still pretty close. i oughta be doing some out of the country travels by now. anyways, i guess that's what the message of this movie is. what would you do with such knowledge? is it a gift or a curse? that polarity is well played in 101 as in one point, our horny hero has surrendered to his fate of fucking and then in another, buries the list in the ground to take back control of his life. and then there's the part where he's not through with the list, but he meets the woman he considers "the one". behind all of this is the oracle, the machine that sent the email, and the three men who run it, alpha, beta and fred. the oracle probably represents god who has given out predefined lives and the trio is the main character's conscience, although fred's the only one excited about what the list simply is for: sex with a lot of women. well, that's how i see it.

hmm. speaking of seeing, did you see good luck chuck? man, that movie sucked shitballs. despite having slightly similar premises (guy does a lot of girls), 101 beats chuck by acres. the only things good about chuck were jessica alba and the ridiculous amount of women that bared their bodies and bounced uglies with that lucky bastard dane cook. 101 doesnt have both. yes, there's some nudity but in a quantity too modest for a sex-oriented film. nice-assed natassia malthe covered her chest. there's even clothed sex. i guess the budget didnt suffice for more undressing. so cheers for sophie monk and the rest of the uninhibited ingenues for displaying the goods for the sake of perversion.

of course, 101 won't stand erect and mighty if not for the exceptional efforts of simon baker as the libidinous leading/ladies man. dont know who he is but when i watched the movie he kinda seemed familiar. after a quick trip to imdb, i found out that he was the guy in scorsese's hitchcock homage, the key to reserva. comparing the two entirely unalike roles, this dude's pretty good. and what about the actress named winona? she's terrific as death knell. she's hot and weird and silly and cute all at the same time. ive never seen her with so much cleavage. she really needs to resurface into mainstream and bring that with her. anyways, the one remember most in the movie is the guy who played fred. he's got great lines. he's like the guy at work or in school who always says something funny to break the tension and you're left with wishing you had said it. which is why i wonder how he landed that oracle job.

still cant point a phalange on what genre this film belongs. drama? nah. rom-com? probably. feel-good? yes. dark comedy? definitely. whatever, man. watching this is like hooking up with a nice girl you barely know, talking with her about the physics of life and then having slow, passionate sex afterwards. she may not be the best girl around but you sure had a great time with her.

the good: the story/script and the t&a.
the bad: the killjoys.
the ugly: the real cynthia rose.
the verdict: 7 names of women im gonna have sex with.


the one-winged angel of death (and sex).

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SHUTTER (the remake) by jaiskizzy

the gist: the exceptional thai horror movie that starred piolo pascual is mangled to shitty bits in this unnecessary hollywood remake. a professional photographer goes to tokyo with his new wife for a job and after a mysterious car accident, they are haunted through pictures by a ghost from the past... oh, hell. fuck this shit!

allow me this one first: stop the asian horror movie remakes! seriously, stop it! filmmaker dudes, do not sell the rights to your masterpieces! do not be blinded by money! it's a trap! they'll turn it into crap! it's a crap trap!

this absolute piece of rotten animal feces is proof that nothing good comes out of hollywoodizing asian cinema. it just doesnt translate right. what they should do instead is bring the original film to their shores so that viewers can enjoy the film in its unadulterated form. here in shutter, they not only had complete disregard for the original, they even disrespected it by turning the thai film into a japanese one. that's just wrong. i dont care if the director is japanese and every crew member is japanese. they should have just made the whole thing in america. but even that wouldn't solve the film's big issue: it's a remake.

from frame one, anyone who has seen the original will surely see how it was destroyed. the leads are newlyweds and the vengeful ghost appears in pictures taken while they were having sex on the floor. the girl, that chick from transformers who isn't megan fox, later realizes that the ghost wasn't trying to scare her but was warning her from spending her life with an evil-secret-carrying husband. barfcakes. shouldn't she be warned before she actually marries the guy? then there's the entirely new location change of where the bad deed took place. the school is now an office and... wait, um, in the pictures with the models, the ghost gives clues by putting white streaks on a particular floor in the building in the background, which happens to be the office of the photographer's friend. but, the actual rape happens somewhere else. which makes no sense at all. and the ending is just horrible.

i could point out more shit but im starting to smell so i'd just end this review with an ellipsis...

the good: the chick from transformers (who isn't megan fox) taking off her top but it probably was a body double.
the bad: the acting, the changes, the non-scares, everything. gimme my money back!
the ugly: killing the ghost by flash bulb burning. uh, what?
the verdict: 1 long tongue french kiss.


shitter.

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ONCE by jaiskizzy

the gist: a struggling musician takes his acoustic heartaches to the streets for a few bucks and meets a cute czech chick who has as much passion for music as he does. he plays the guitar, she, the piano and they immediately glue together, igniting the needed spark to each of their stagnant lives. from a magical music shop moment to a wondrous recording studio session, the nameless songsmiths find themselves in the dilemma of starting anew or patching things up with their pasts. will this love song of a movie end with them in a duet or doing solos? can i do this review without musical puns?

the reaction: ive been asked a lot of times if i play the guitar and i wonder, do i really carry a rockstar demeanor to cause that question? but i do wish i play the guitar sometimes. however, i dont, can't and probably won't for the rest of this life. i play the drums though. poorly. anyways, after watching this movie once (title, not number) i completely gave that wish up. because even if i did start learning to play now, i do not possess a singing voice that came close to half the power of glen's (the guy who plays...the guy in the film). dude sings with a lot of heart, and i really mean a lot. every song he sings, he sings with raw emotion, as if he's not actually singing and just telling you how he feels exactly and it just happened to have rhymes and a tune. given that he's a real musician, frontman of a band called the frames, and it was him who actually wrote the songs in real life and as portrayed in the film, but man, you could really see how much pain he endured and used to create the songs. when he starts screaming in "say it to me now" in the street, i didn't think he was crazy as i would if i saw someone do that in real life. but that's the thing: nobody's ever seen a real sidewalk singer perform like that. i think i'd be more likely to throw my money in if there was one. (i actually flicked a 20-peso bill at glen but it just bounced off the tv screen).

and there's, marketa, the cute czech chick i mentioned awhile ago. she doesnt have a name in the movie as well, but let's call her marketa so i wouldn't run out of synonyms for "girl". it was a great idea, by the way, to keep the characters unnamed, that they could be anyone, you, your friend, your friend's friend who cheated on your friend's girlfriend. anyways, like glen, marketa is also a real-life musician. her voice is sweet and she plays the piano without camera-angle cheats. again, you feel her love for music that when the two of them play and sing together for the first time, you will get goosebumps as i did. that was a great scene. a perfect (pitch perfect? tee-hee) translation of those jam sessions i used to have with my best friend luigi, even the ones over beer, with the "you do this, i do that" beginning and just melded together as you went along. what makes the scene work, i think, is the fact they're real people doing something they actually do in real life and not something they rehearsed over and over. it was like, the director just said, okay, you two do your thing and i'll just film it.

but that's where the only problem i have about the film comes in. they're non-actors. and when they do try to act, it slightly seems fake. cant blame them though but i guess the director could have tried something to bring over the realism of the scenes where the two leads where just being their real selves. oh and by the way, this is a love story, but more on the love for music and not too much on the love between glen and marketa. their musical "affair" serves as a mere buffer episode, like an rpg sidequest, so don't scratch your heads over the lack of actual contact or the ending. you're looking for the movie where, just by the halfway mark, the female lead has already cheated on her husband with a guy she barely knows. this aint it.

dont watch this movie if you are one of those people who feel like they dont have any talents because you'd probably hate your parents and wish you had one to be just as passionate on. a "modern-day musical" but not quite, i highly recommend this one with what little credibility i have. okay. im gonna go bang on my drums for a while...


the good: the songs, the shots, the realism
the bad: when the non-actors act
the ugly: the holes on the guy's guitar
the verdict: 9 vacuum cleaners


he who cannot sing.

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