DETROIT METAL CITY by jaiskizzy

the gist: a wussy wimpy country boy leaves home to go to tokyo to (too many to's?) fulfill his dream of becoming a "fashionable musician" but busking with his acoustic guitar and his sissy songs gets him nowhere past having a street dog as a fan. however, he is, in fact, secretly and reluctantly, johannes krauser ii, the made-up lead vocalist/guitarist of detroit metal city, an independent death metal band that is fast becoming the biggest act in japan, with hordes of fans believing he is indeed a demon from hell who raped and killed his parents. and so... will negishi ever get to embrace his pop dream and lose his virginity to that chick with cute underwear?

the reaction: so you'd know where im coming from, ive never read the manga or watched the anime. im sure they're great (most manga that become anime then become live action are exceptionally good anyways) but my kudos descend upon the movie and the people involved in it. the japanese have yet to crappify my eyes. detroit metal city is breathlessly fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucking awesome. from the great story mirroring the dichotomy of life to the songs that actually sounded like the real deal, there's no denying that the cast and crew sacrificed their blood and soul to get the movie off the ground and go sky high. exaggeration but hyperboles aren't uncalled for when talking about movies like this. it's very entertaining and it made me laugh many times. there was a movie called detroit rock city, also the title of a kiss song, about a kiss cover band trying to get into a kiss concert. now, there's detroit metal city and they even bagged gene simmons (the dude with the long tongue in kiss) to play jack il dark! how cool is that?!

the humongous round of devil horns raised way up in the air goes to kenichi whatshisname. after doing the mysterious coolness that is L in death note, he does an acting 180 as the stupid-looking, soft-mannered, almost gay negishi. seriously, this guy has some balls to accept such a role where he would have to make an ass of himself, singing with his knees stuck together, running like a girl, not to mention wearing that horrendous haircut. sure he gets to portray the death metal demon krauser but negishi is something a normal actor would probably regret including in his resume. unlike death note's raito yagami who was also shuya in battle royale, the actor playing him looks and feels pretty much the same. here, there is literally no sign of L in kenichi. and even though ive seen pics and clips of the movie before watching, i never even realized that he was both negishi and krauser. now that is talent. no pretty boy pinoy actor can disappear in roles like that. plus, he did his own singing for both characters, which required two separate voice actors for the anime. take that, retard gutierrez!

if you love metal, if you love japanese films, heck if you just watch for ideas on your next cosplay, give this movie a chance and detroit metal city will melt your face. if not, you should form a band with your tambourine and call it tetrapot melon tea. as for kenichi somethingsomething, kamui gaiden is up next. yes, sir.


the good: that L guy. his dual performance carries the whole film
the bad: the slightly ridiculous ending. metal buffalo?!
the ugly: penis haircut.
the verdict: 8 chocorape cakes!


jai il dork

or

destroyed mental skizzy.

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WATCHMEN by jaiskizzy

the gist: in alternate 80s america, where once-heralded costumed crimefighters have been outlawed by the government and a globally destructive nuclear war with russia is imminent, a retired superhero known as the comedian is found dead on the street more than a hundred feet below his high-rise apartment, killed by gravity. a former teammate, rorschach, embarks on his own investigation to find the murderer who seems to be particularly offing masked members of the society. old friends are reunited, memories are remembered and walls are repainted (with blood) as the doomsday clock ticks closer to the end of the world.

the review: fuck the long intros. i'll do my best to make this short and quick because the less is said, the better. i liked the movie. given that the graphic novel has been deemed unfilmable for so long and the weird and cool alan moore refuses credit for any adaptation, zack snyder has done quite an achievement. and not only by squeezing a 12-chapter story into a 3-hour movie. you see, there's a dvd out there where they animated the comic book panels and turned it into sort of an audiobooky (because one guy does all the voices, even the female characters) cartoon, reminiscent of the old marvel superhero 2d shows. compared to that, with real actors and actual sets, zack snyder's film is a couple of steps ahead in awesomeness.

yes, the paper version is still way better but the celluloid translation turns it into an entirely new experience. you now hear the voices that uttered those great lines, especially dr. manhattan's which was totally unexpected. (you'd think he would have the mighty otherworldly voice of james earl jones with a sore throat on volume 11 plus extra echo and not mild and boring like my history teacher's in high school. but it works amazingly.) you see them break through the frozen panels and move, sometimes in slow-mo, the constantly morphing inkblot on rorschach's mask alone, the origin of which didnt make it past the cutting room floor, was mesmerizing. i like how the costumes were almost exactly the same, down to the minutemen despite not having that much screen time. i smiled when silk spectre 2's costume was unzipped, not because she was about to get naked, but because it had a zipper, something we rarely see in superhero movies. that zipper contributed to grounding the whole thing in reality.

i never thought that stillwater's lead guitarist would pass off as a god with blue skin who doesn't really give a shit about humans and would effectively portray how the seemingly emotionless character eventually learns to (there is a real smiley face crater in mars btw). but the invisible badass acting award goes to jackie earle haley, the masturbating date in little children. this guy is great. unlike doc, his vocal characterization of rorschach is exactly the way i imagined it in my head. the two moments he screams like a madman were very powerful. perfect segue to my main gripe at the movie: the other actors didnt really do much and acted like they were still two-dimensional drawings. anyways, having read the graphic novel before watching the movie isn't a requirement. it doesn't even assure one would enjoy the film more. if you're the kind of moviegoer who just sits there depending on visuals, expecting rollercoaster ride-type of action, you will be heavily disappointed. watchmen is character-driven and story-driven and, for lack of a better symbolism, it is the kind of film that my father sleeps on. i think my father would be snoring on the theater seat around the time the bob dylan-sung opening credits is over and rorschach begins talking to himself.

though this review is probably a couple of paragraphs short of being a novel itself, there is still so much to be said about the film, a lot of which is open for debate between those who have read the graphic novel and the poor people who havent. it is not the greatest comic book movie ever made (tdk, imho), but it is a feat of filmmaking nonetheless. the movie has brains and balls. i will watch watchmen again.

the good: faithfulness to source material, necessary changes
the bad: bland acting
the ugly: too many cocks.
the verdict: 9 blood-stained smiley face pins


watchamacallboy.

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VALKYRIE by obi

Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert!

Based on actual historical events, "Valkyrie" followed the life of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg from being withdrawn from the German African Front to eventually involving himself on an intricate plot to asassinate the Fuhrer himself, Adolf Hitler, in Germany.

Fresh from injuries sustained on the African battlefield, Stauffenberg is introduced to an underground resistance of high ranking officers and politicians. Their aim: to kill Hitler and propose a peace treaty with the Allies, thus ending the war. In order to machinate the coup, the dissenters rewrite Operation Valkyrie - a protocol that enables the Reserve Army to take over Germany in case of Hitler's death. The resistance omitted the clause that gives the pro-Nazi SS (German special security force) that same privelege, thus the sole control of Germany in case of the Fuhrer's death goes to the head of the Reserve Army, General Fromm.

Stauffenberg got the revised Operation Valkyrie signed by Hitler and in a continued effort by the conspirators, they devise a plan for another asassination attempt. Stauffenberg himself and his adjutant Lieutenant Haeften execute it by planting a bomb on one of Hitler's staff meeting in the Prussian military HQ - Wolf's Lair.

They rig the bomb inside the staff meeting and quickly return to Berlin. Together with the resistance, they force General Fromm to execute Operation Valkyrie believing that Hitler died from the bombing. Fortunately (or rather unfortunately), the Nazi dictator survive the attempt when the bag containing the bomb is moved away from where it will be fatal to the Fuhrer. And just as Stauffenberg and the rest of the conspirators mobilize to occupy Germany, Hitler with help from his trusted SS officers consolidate power and eventually root out the dissenters.

All are either executed or have committed suicide. Colonel Stauffenberg died from firing squad the same night their underground group fail the coup.

The verdict...
The director did a good job of presenting the failed July 20 plot to kill Hitler in a way that it will be moving not only for World War 2 buffs but also to regular Joe viewers. The storyline, although mostly based on factual occurences, has been written to accommodate bits of fiction just enough to make it dramatic.

The production design did a great deal of research. From costumes to props to the actual locations, the film relives that era where the Nazi is at its height of power and makes you visualize how Germany looks like back then. It was as if you're looking at a 1950's movie setting, only not in black and white.

Of course, a posing problem of the film (and also on most Americanized foreign movies) is that characters converse in English. Obviously, expressions and intonations differ a lot between German and English and it may be off-putting for a German to see how lines are delivered or acted out awkwardly. But personally, it should be so trivial to matter if you won't be too anal about it. C'mon, you're probably not a German anyway to care.

Funny thing is that when I checked out the net for photos of the real personalities behind the conspiracy, almost all look like the actors that played them in the movie. Adolf Hitler himself looks really similar to the actor who played his persona (David Bamber). On the top of my list though is Bill Nighy who resembled General Olbricht strikingly accurate. Try to search a photo of the real General Olbricht on the net and compare it with Bill Nighy's depiction so you'll see what I'm talking about.

Great acting. Great production. Great storyline. This movie has the making of a classic if not for Tom Cruise himself. I can't figure out what's wrong with his acting in the film but he seems really out of place among stellar performances by his supporting casts... Terence Stamp (as Ludwig Beck) and Christian Berkel (as Colonel Quirnheim) first come to my mind.

Aside from that, it's totally an experience to watch the movie and worth watching on a good cinema. Know about the later part of the Nazi Germany era on a non-boring way.

8.5 of 10.

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