HITMAN by jaiskizzy

the gist: when bret hart decided to quit wrestling.... (just kidding) when it comes to assassins-for-hire, 47 is #1. raised by a secret organization known as... the organization (it was the agency in the game) to become the perfect killer, he never misses a target and always gets away clean. however on a mission to kill the russian president, things don't go as planned. it seems his peeps have turned against him, putting our bald-headed anti-hero out on the run from the interpol and the fsb and against other nameless agents, with a hot babe who hates clothes tagging along. did you notice there are zero alliterations on the synopsis?

the reaction: the hitman video game franchise is one of my favorites because it's not just your usual button-mashing, shoot-everything-in-sight first-person adventure. it's a game of tactics and stealth and completion of the mission requires precision and consideration of every option before making a decision for a slight miscalculation means a bad situation. waha. anyways, with the previous videogame-to-movie flops, one would normally think that the filmmakers would exert extra effort to do really well because the audience could only have high expectations at this point. you can't make a movie that's just good. it has to be really, really great to please the fans and non-fans alike. with hitman, i feel like they didn't actually try to make a hitman movie. they were instead trying to make the next big action flick, took some inspirations from the game and slapped that title on it and waited for the cash to flow in. they barely paid respect to the source material. so, is it good or bad? let us begin with the negatives.

the biggest mistake of this movie is timothy olyphant. he just does not fit the role. when casting rumors began, fanboys were unitedly screaming only one name: jason statham. after seeing him in transporter, he was agent 47 for me. all he needed was the red tie. i dont know what happened but they picked timothy olyphant instead. the movie kinda lost it right there. sure, he's a good actor but he just does not look and feel like agent 47. i mean, vin diesel was also considered at one point and i would have liked vinny over timmy. why? because he just didn't have the eyes of a killer. granted he was able to pull off how agent 47 moved, walked, talked (must have watched game clips over and over) but he didn't get the eyes. he never looked like a cold-blooded assassin at all. well, there was one scene where he had a menacing expression going on while choking an enemy, but that seemed like trying too hard. which brings me to the second biggest mistake of this movie: it was too actiony.

anyone who has seen the bourne movies would notice a lot of similarities. well, the premise was the same, a whole secret organization against one guy who is good at killing people. but it didn't mean it had to go the same direction. as mention above, the hitman games were about stealth and precision. you're supposed to be a ghost. anyone who has seen you are already dead. but in this movie, agent 47 is all over the place. he's out walking in crowds. he's bald and he's got a barcode tattoo on the back of his head. how am i supposed to believe that he won't stand out? and then in one really stupid scene, he kung fu fights a bunch of guys. fucking kung fu. with swords. instead of sneaking up on enemies and using piano wire (my favorite method) he does a jet li. ridiculous. the script is lame and complicated at the same time. they should have began with agent 47 doing several hits before going to the main plot. plus if you don't listen carefully, you won't get what's going on. i mean, me, i understood it and it thought it was messed-up writing. for the pinoy moviegoers who rely more on visuals, the film is gonna be tough to swallow.

okay, on the other end of the barrel, you got a few good things that prevented hitman from becoming a total disaster. numero uno, the game elements that they put in the movie. they were few and far in between but they were cool nonetheless. from the look of agent 47 to his body language, diana, hiding weapons, hiding bodies, disguises, the logo, they were pretty nice nods. soundtrackwise, the movie began with the game's original ave maria theme but that's about it. props to robert knepper as well who played yuri. that bathtub was such a t-bag moment. but the best part of the movie was nika. she's not the most beautiful actress you've seen, but she was more than enough to provide the obligatory t&a (and exactly t&a). no sex scene, but that crotch rub she did will forever be stored in the fantasy vault of my brain.

i paid to see one of my favorite video games come alive on the silverscreen and instead saw an ill-executed bourne wannabe. i am very disappointed and could only hope that the next videogame-to-movie endeavors do better. way better. you know, i've always thought that you can't do a bad movie with the right ingredients - bullets, blood and boobs. consider this reviewer wrong on that one.

the good: the nods to the game, t-bag and nika (rrrrr).
the bad: the execution.
the ugly: timotht olyphant as agent 47.
the verdict: 3 barcode tattoos.


agent 69.

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HITMAN by obi

Based from the Eidos game of the same title, "Hitman" is a story of a mercenary gunman only known as Agent 47. He was given a mission to assassinate a Russian president which later on involved him on a convoluted political plot of country-wide consequences. Along the way, he met the hotty Nika who unknowingly holds the answers to the identity of the double-crossing client. Together, they were able to crack the real score behind the conspiracy and just like any other action flick, the lead put an end to it (although the last part just screams PART TWO!).

I haven't played the Eidos game but a friend told me that the film gave justice to it. It's a typical action movie with flawless stunts and awesome close-combat scenes. The character made into Agent 47 is compelling in a way that you can really identify the cold-hearted assassin in him. Nika on the other hand (who has been half-naked on ample parts of the movie) portrayed the role of a passive victim quite well although I still don't think it has any significant relevance to the entire plot except for the movie to have a sexy lead actress. It even added to the awkwardness since Agent 47 should be completely devoid of emotion but the last parts of the film implied otherwise.

The concept of an organization of gun-for-hires is cool but the movie has been vague about the nature of the "Agency". I dunno if they intended it to be like that to add an air of shadiness on the org but I believe they should have divulged at least more info on them because along the movie you'll see several more agents going after 47 himself. And with it, there has been implications of "Agency" traditions (the short sword combat) that could be more interesting to viewers if explained.

In all, the movie is not a disappointment. It stays true to be your "action film" and a little bit more.

Rating: 6 gulamans.

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BEOWULF by jaiskizzy

the gist: it's happy hour in king anthony hopkins' mead hall, which means booze, babes and belting out some songs sans videoke (and this was centuries ago. nothing ever changes eh?) enter grotesque gatecrasher grendel, who only wants some peace and gives everyone a piece of his pissed-off mind by tearing them to pieces. with everyone scared shitless, a hero is called for and through the stormy seas, beowulf rises to challenge. thus begins beowulf's battle against grendel, angelina jolie's nakedness and living up to his legendary name. plus a golden dragon. will beowulf be the last cgi standing?

the reaction: gaddaym! imax 3d is a-fuckin-mazing. say ta-ta to those red and blue 3d glasses of yore. this is no doubt the future of movie watching. and what better way to immerse oneself in this extraordinary experience than on the breakthrough motion-capture film beowulf. when i put the glasses on and the credits rolled, i couldn't help not to be such an idiot and tried to reach for and touch the 3d letters. it got me like that. every time something suddenly pops up out of the screen, my lovely companion would jump off her seat. and it's not even a horror film. if there is a 3d horror film being made out there, then im pitiching a tent in line. the scene of grendel's initial attack was utterly astonishing. i'm pretty sure it wouldn't have the same impact in 2d. i loved the three-dimensional blood gore and violence but the quick p.o.v. shot where robin wright penn's queen character is watching the carnage through a hole on the table she's hiding behind struck me the most in that sequence because it actually looks like you're looking through a hole in real life. darn, i crave for more of imax 3d.

the other thing that makes beowulf great is the way the poem was translated on screen. neil gaiman and roger avary of course had to change a few things up a bit and the final output was a well told story of a man who is known as a hero, proves he's a hero, but still is just a man. at one point, beowulf tells his wife queen (and im paraphrasing here) to remember him not as a hero but as a man, flawed and something else. great voice acting by ray winstone, he's not as loud as leonidas in 300 as most think due to the trailers, and upon checking the dude's pics, great decision to not make beowulf look exactly like him at all. one more kudo to crispin glover's portrayal of grendel. that old english gibberish of him talking to angelina jolie was one of the best here. angelina's though sounded fake. and speaking of that pouty-lipped temptress...

yes, fellow pervs, angelina jolie is fully nude in this film. yes, it's cgi and yes there's some gold liquid covering her privates, but a huge yes, she is very naked. and sporting a lara croft-like hairdo by the way. to me, her cgi counterpart was the most photo-realistic of all the characters. it seemed like it was really angelina jolie emerging from the water to display her cgi bareness. this was the big payoff after seeing anthony hopkins's butt and beowulf's everything except his weiner which, during his armorless, weaponless mano a mano with grendel, was amusingly covered, reminiscent of austin powers. so, yeah, apart from the violence, this movie surely aint for the young ones. which is good since there's gazillions of kid-friendly cgi movie out there. it's about time we adults get to enjoy a cgi movie for ourselves and not have any tears jerked out.

it was hard not to think of the videogame god of war throughout the movie. there were shots that felt like lifted directly from the game and i was clawing the empty air, pretending to hold an invisible ps2 controller. there were two particular sequences where i observed this prominently: when john malkovich (underused. could have been another actor, wouldn't matter) tries to debunk beowulf's hero fame by questioning the swimming contest he lost, beowulf tells him why and we get a flashback of him fighting sea monster just as he was about to win. he slices one in half and stabs another one in the eye, gives us a customary warrior shout on top of the monster's head and jumps back into the water and back into the race. very gamely. the other one is the whole golden dragon action sequence. i think i've spoiled enough so i'll leave this one undescribed for your full entertainment.

this 3d-fied version of the classic tale we all ate up in high school is a definite must-experience for all film buffs (well, except for the kiddies). sure, you could point out flaws from your point of view, but overall, beowulf will blow you away. the guys behind this have set the bar so high, everybody else will surely be pulling out all the stops to outdo them. which only spells even greater flicks headed our way. consider this reviewer bitten bigly by beowulf.

the good: the 3d!!! well, story and cg were good but fuck, man, the 3d is wicked!
the bad: mouths still need a lot of work. also, angelina jolie's boobies didn't bounce.
tha ugly: grendel.
the verdict: 9 golden horns.


jaimax.

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CIUDAD EN CELO by obi

An Argentinean film, the movie is generally comedic with a touch of romance. It reminds me of one of my favorite romantic movies "Love Actually" with the fact that the plot jumps randomly around and develops into a more coherent pattern as the film progresses. And by the fact that it doesn't even have a complicated storyline but remains interesting as you watch along, says a damn LOT.

Enter the casts. The story basically revolved around this group of friends who were in their early midlives. One of them (and a cool character) was Marquito (Marcos). The happy-go-lucky dude with a quick wit when it comes to pretty chicks. Eto yung, kung may mamanahin ako sa napanood ko, yun yung mga linya ni Marcos. Di ba Jai?? Hehe. Then there was Sebastian (Sebas), who really din't appear so much in the film but whose death made a big impact on the story arc. There was Duke, the oldest of the group and most of the movie was set on his coffee shop, Garllington. And then, Valeria and Sergio... former couples during the group's younger years.

It's a funny movie in an entertaining way. The Greenbelt THX cinema was rumbling with laughter on most parts of the movie and some laughable scenes were stuck in my mind until now. Don't get the wrong idea about the hilarity, though. This is not our usual slapstick or knockout comedy scenarios. They're simple fun and even exacts a hint of wit on their punchlines. The more serious dimension of the story, on the other hand, was engaging and encourages anticipation. It's rare for a movie of such simplicity to be not dragging.

Take note of the musical score too. It added touch to the already very "latina" settings. It could be a bore to those who doesn't appreciate the genre but if you're not up to such, then just focus on the story itself.

To describe the movie in two words: simple and brilliant. Ten gulamans.

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STARDUST by obi

Adapted from the fantasy novel of the same title by Neil Gaiman, Stardust is a romantic fantasy with hints of comic relief. It's about a young prince - Tristan - who grew in the world of his "normal" human father, in a small town at the edge of London... a town, just stone's throw away from the Wall which divides the territory of mankind and that of the magical land of Stormhold.

What started as a normal life became a wild ride of an adventure for Tristan Thorn when he ventured past the Wall and into the land of Stormhold in search of a falling star in the person of Yvaine (Manila-hating Claire Danes). The star was supposed to be a proof of devotion for his beloved Victoria but it turns out that the quest will lead him to fall in love with Yvaine instead (dumb English bloke... Vicky's hotter, fool!)

But he's not the only one searching for the falling star. Along came the powerful witch Lamia (Michelle Pfeiffer), who craves for the heart of Yvaine in exchange for eternal youth and Prince Septimus, uncle to Tristan and contender to the throne of the dead King of Stormhold, which he can only ascend if he finds the ruby gem worn by Yvaine.

Exploits continued until the final battle on the witches' stronghold when Lamia and her cohorts captured Yvaine and Princess Una, Tristan's long-lost hot mom. Of course, as every heroic stories, Tristan was able to save her and the couple, as they say, lived happily ever after as King and Queen of Stormhold.

The plot is unquestionably hooking.The humorous parts have been an entertaining addition. The story was well-balanced in terms of phasings and plot development. These all contributed to a very awesome movie worthy of classic status. I dunno why it din't make that much hype in the market but what I thought was just another mediocre fantasy film was actually a unique magical treat that has a touch of everything on it... fairytale romance, witty comedy, epic clashes, and hints of mystery.

On the casts... well, there were exceptionally good actings for some of the roles but most of em has performed just passably. Not that it'L ruin a good story. Spectacular performance goes to Robert de Niro (Captain Shakespeare) who has been very convincing both as a reputably cunning pirate captain and a kind-hearted closet "whoopsie". His transition to both roles is flawless - talk about being a pro. Mark Strong (Septimus) and Michelle Pfeiffer (Lamia) - even her other two witch cohorts! - din't look striking enough as antagonists. But maybe the director intended it that way. It's not a hardcore action fantasy after all.

FX and cinematography is just right. Use of computer graphics is realistic and produced the intended effect. Scenes were mellow when it should be and dark when the situation calls for it. Musical score is so so.

I haven't read the book by Neil Gaiman but watching the film is enough for me to assume that it's another brilliant masterpiece. I heard there were deviations in the movie (I think it normally happens when adapting book stories into film) to make it a bit more fairytale-ish and cater to younger generations. I was opting for a better finale and the ending was one of the changes made from the book (as I was told) but all in all it doesn't affect the overall impact of the movie. Refreshing. Delightful.

9 gulamans.

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HATCHET by jaiskizzy

the gist: while freddy and jason went on hiatus to recuperate from their fright fight and mike myers did some shit with rob zombie, a new mad murderer manifests from the mucky muck. his name is victor crowley (any relation to aleister?) and as the folktale goes, he had a disfigured face and when some kids burned down their house in the swamp while he was in it, his dad killed him in trying to save him: he was pressed against the door when daddy-o used a hatchet to break it down. believing his existence is a myth, a bunch of folks go on the infamous haunted swamp tour for some cheap scares. pretty soon they realize that victor is in fact alive and kicking/killing and he gives the visitors a bloody warm welcome. yay!

the reaction: a few days ago, katia and i were discussing horror movies. she doesn't like them, i crave for them. she pointed out that she does not want to pay money just to get scared. so i told her, you should pay money to get scared because it's the feeling/emotion we get the least. you laugh every day, cry sometimes, but very rarely get scared shit. unless you're a complete paranoid freak. anyways, that's the primary reason why i love horror films (and riding roller coasters too). the rising tension and then the sudden surge of surprise. (nudity is secondary) nowadays, the surprise though is that the recent horror movies aren't that scary anymore. well, except for the awesome asian ones, which they would then make lame remakes of. like a true terror icon, hatchet crept up behind the pack and attacked when least expected. while everybody else was looking far and ahead, the writer/director, adam green, an obvious 80s horror buff like myself, was looking back and probably thought maybe it's about time to go back to bloody basics. so he had a gangbang with the masters and in 2006, gave birth to victor crowley, a baby we've all been waiting for.

a flick that will probably never see silverscreen light in this conservative country, hatchet is a big nod to the classic american horror my generation had loved and missed. sure, it's another mean, lean, killing machine on the loose hacking and slashing humans here and there but isn't that a good thing? hordes of horror films have hopped out but only a chosen few actually lived up to the genre. now here comes a newcomer requesting your attention. not smart, no twist ending needed, no killjoy cutaways and no tear-jerking. just pure bloody goregasm. if it does get released here, it'll surely suffer from the heavy editing under mtrcb hands, hence, losing the very essence of what slasher films are about.

i like the methods of kills, especially the one were victor emulates on a human what king kong did to the t-rex in peter jackson's version. never seen that before! i also dig the stylish slow-mo splash of blood and entrails. that's a trademark in the making. plus, plus points for getting robert englund and kane hodder. still, this movie is beyond perfection. and that is probably the fault of victor crowley (or at least the guys who designed him). he simply isn't that memorable. he's one ugly bastard with a big slice on the face. that's it. i don't know if this would spawn sequels (i do hope so though) but if it does, then victor better work on his identity if he wants to stand amongst the giants. also, the huge amount of tit-flashing is great and all, but please employ some really hot, gorgeous girls next time. it will be a big difference. very big. other than that, hatchet is great horror movie to watch, especially with a girl who scares easily. wehe.

i am pretty certain that this will turn the current trend around and more films like this will get made, vying for that spot in to be the next horror icon. victor crowley aint there yet, but he is one tough conteder.

the good: the blood
the bad: the beast
the ugly: the babes
the verdict: 8 shovel handle impalings


jai the ripper.

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SHOOT 'EM UP by jaiskizzy

the gist: carrot-munching clive owen reluctantly helps out a pregnant damsel in distress against the gunned goons going after her. amidst the shooting, the baby is delivered and the woman is killed. and so begins a cool as crazy bulletfest between this one-man army and, well, an army led by paul giamatti, all while playing papa to the newborn and trying not to lose concentration because of the steamy monica bellucci, who plays a lactating prostitute. yes, a lactating prostitue. will our mysterious hero reach complete trigger happiness? or will he run out of rounds and luck to dodge them bullets? and will the cops arrive late at the very end of the movie like pinoy action movies? i hope not. but even if it that was the case, i could care less. this movie had me at shot-the-umbilical-cord hello.

the reaction: i have this great idea for a pinoy action movie that will break through the norm and be the impetus for the next generation of pinoy action movies because seriously, it's pretty obvious everything's been the same and gotten so lame that they've practically stopped making them now. anyways, im not gonna tell what's it about since rippers-off (damn you!) are lurking about but it has a good way of making sense out of the necessary senseless gun violence, why the hero seems to never run out of bullets, how he's able to do all those stunts, et cetera. shoot 'em up, on the other hand, keeps the hero's secret a secret. it's hinted, but we basically have no idea who the heck he is, how he can do all those cool things and why he prefers carrots as his only source of sustenance (among other uses). maybe because it's good for the eyes? hmm. anyhow, such questions need not be asked since this film is obviously self-aware from the get-go (or get-gun?). it's deliberately cheesy and over-the-top and doesn't take itself seriously at all and so you shouldn't as well. yes, there's a story thrown in there, and characters, and an ounce of philosophy too, but the bottomline is it's just meant to give you a good time from bullet number one to the last.

an exgf once said hat clive owen was the best choice to play the next james bond after pierce brosnan decided to give up the bowtie. i personally thought hugh jackman was perfect for the role, but after seeing clive owen in this movie, i still think hugh jackman should have been bond. because i believe clive owen is better at being a rough curmudgeon than a suave lothario. he made eating a vegetable look carnivorous. on the other hand, monica bellucci once again channel her inner sex goddess as the hot female lead needed for an action movie equilbrium. it's not stereotyping. that's just how monica bellucci is. she could be covered in bird shit and i'd still think she's hot. stinky but hot.

kudos to the director for not resorting to bullet-time to make things cool. i love the matrix but we've practically had more than enough bullet-time from all the action movies that used it after. here, we have none of that, just a bunch of unusual ways to shoot and kill bad guys. sometimes with the baby in two.i couldn't pick a favorite since they were all so goddarn badass but my top two would be how he kills a group of henchmen in a van with just one gun and the sex scene shootout, although the latter was a bit of a letdown since monica bellucci, who never had a problem showing her goods, kept her skirt on and we saw nary a nipple (pause button?).still, it's fucking while shooting. sex and violence in one scene alone. awesome. i do have to complain about the soundtrack though. i know that an action film requires a heavy metal scoring but i felt like the songs chosen for this one were kinda off. i liked the songs out-of-movie but i never imagined nirvana's breed or motorhead's ace of spades would be appropriate for action sequences. maybe it's just me but i just think that it didn't have the same effect that pretty handsome awkward had when barricade chases bumblebee in the transformers movie.

not everybody will enjoy this movie. if senseless violence aint your cup of tea then keep your distance and waste no time making negative reviews you've already cooked up before even seeing it. you're just being a prick. but if you love the occasional brainless fun like no-strings-attached sex and riding rollercoasters (not limited to that of course, but you get the picture im trying to paint), then leave the kids at home and jump into the fray. with outrageous gunfights, downright silly one-liners scrunched into a disposable plot, shoot 'em up is a great way to take a break from the monotony of the pretentious, the remakes, the ripoffs, and the absolute crap movies of late. bull's eye...

the good: the action sequences and monica bellucci.
the bad: soundtrack.
the ugly: just the greenscreening in the sky shootout sequence.
the verdict: 8 carrots.


skiz 'em up

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1408 by moira moirtæma

The movie was undoubtedly King’s. There are many aspects in the flick that projects communal thesis. One is that the main character is a writer. Second, the setting was in a hotel (Remember, “The Shining”? - Didn’t think so). Lastly, among other collective themes: King’s love for ghostly horror.

Nuis and I sat at the farthest left side of the cinema where most people would take advantage of the shadows. I know, I am a proud constituent of the flock. But this time, our aim is to avoid distraction. I wanted to see if King has somehow changed.

Hmm.. Well, it’s still King.

Ghostly hotels, skeptical writers, somnolent settings, restless ghosts of people who committed suicide, sinister cries and screams, surreal concepts, haunting pasts..

At some point in the movie, I thought, Enslin (rendered by Cusack) was just psychologically injured. And all the haunting things, he saw in that hotel room was just a prognosis of the mind’s eye. That he was just mad about the demise of his only daughter. I’ve been amiss. There were ghosts, alright. Okay. So there. See? It’s King.

Well, don’t get me wrong.
There are daunting scenes in the movie that will cause you to take refuge beneath you lover’s shirt. I know, I did. But over all, the movie is a typical ghost flick, that can be perceived by the five senses alone.

If you are into films that makes you think more than visualize: Watch something else.


The Best Parts:
(According to myself)

1. The Doppelganger.

- Enslin tried to scream for help. He waves at this man in the other building in front of where he is, trying to make him call the police or something. Surprisingly, he noticed that the man is doing his every move. Everything. Imagine standing in front of a mirror, only think of the other building as your reflection. Bring up a lamp, to reveal the face of the man who copies your every move. Only to find out that it's YOU.

2. The Eternal Wall

- Enslin tried to escape the building by going out of the window and trace the narrow sills to the next room. He counted it at first on the inside, by foot, from the window to the wall next room. Approximately nine feet. He went out, trace the “nine feet-distance” to the other room. And saw eternal bricks.

3. Katie’s Bloodied Feet

- The ghost of Katie, Enslin’s dead daughter, toddled amongst the ruins of the now derelict hotel room. She walks with her naked feet on the shards of broken glass and mirrors. Her every step: bloodied.

4. The Best Kiss.

- Was Nuis’. Ha-ha.

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RUSH HOUR 3 by obi

Lee and "7-11" (his mouth's open 24 hours) is back and crazy as ever.

A summit was held in L.A. regarding the key to the dissolution of the largest crime gang, the Triad. The Chinese Ambassador heads the exposition but there was an assassination attempt in his life even before the summit commenced. Lee, acting as VIP security then, chased the assassin and somehow Carter got tangled up with the ruckus as well.

Their investigations led them to a contact person in Paris and the duo flew to France to follow up with the case. They eventually uncovered an age old tradition amongst the members of the Triad - the Xie Chen(?). Whoever holds the Xie Chen, will have the key to knowing the important personalities involved with the criminal organization. But getting their hand to the Xie Chen wasn't easy as they discovered that Lee's brother, Kenji, was actually a member of the Triad and charged with looking after the Xie Chen.

The Xie Chen manifested in the story on a French stage actress Genevieve (the Xie Chen list actually tattooed on her bald nape). By some twists in the story, the duo was able to recover Genevieve and uncover another Triad big boss - their very own contact in Paris, Varden Reynard. Before totally sacking the case close, however, Kenji abducted the Chinese Ambassador's daughter, Soo Yung, and asked for an exchange with Genevieve.

Carter disguised as Genevieve and went with Lee to meet with Kenji for the exchange in the Eiffel Tower. Of course, fierce action scenes ensued and by the end, the L.A.P.D buddies were able to save Soo Yung and solve the case of the Triad's Xie Chen.

The whole film is basically short at almost only one hour and a half but it was packed with a fast paced plot and a hillarity that is a trademark of the "Rush Hour" series. I am a fan of the first two films and comedy-wise, this would top the second "Rush Hour". I was literally chuckling most of the time (as I refrain from laughing out loud in cinemas as much as possible).

One should be able to predict how or when some of the jokes will be delivered. This is a bad thing for most comedic movies, but the thing with Chris Tucker is that he can make an impact out of his delivery that no matter how you anticipate it, you'll still can't help laughing your arse off. With Jacky Chan, well... if a Chinese kungfu actor singing (or trying to sing) a line of "The Closer I Get to You" while riding a swing doesn't appeal to your funny bones, then I don't know what will. The overall hilarity of the movie boarders on what you've already experienced on the first two prequels BUT it's still so so enjoyable, nonetheless.

The plotline is fairly simple and frankly, a bit lacking. Lacking in fact that after watching the movie, I was like... "Eh? That's it?". My sis, bro, and bro-in-law was into the same reaction that I was convinced that yes, it's not because I enjoyed the movie so much that I was looking for more... it really was lacking more. The story's transition to its climax was flawlessly developed but the finale was so abrupt and out of synch with the entirety of the film.

On the casts, well it's a comedy movie with two of the main roles in focus for the entire film so you din't need much invest on casting bigger stars for the supporting roles. In that sense, Jacky and Chris proved that they still have the chemistry to pull off the old tricks they did on the first two "Rush Hour" movies. I observed, however, that Chris Tucker might have been given a bit more "air time" here in "Rush Hour 3" but the idea of the Lee-Carter team up was there all the time.

Don't set your expectations too high when watching the movie. As I said, it is your typical "Rush Hour" movie with those typical "Rush Hour" antics in that typical "Rush Hour" storyline. But one thing for sure: their same old formula will make you laugh.

Seven gulamans.

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HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX by jaiskizzy

the gist: harry potter et al are back for more wand waving and broom riding, now that lord voldemort, he who must not be named but i just did, has returned to do some dark deeds and get a nose. but that is not the case if you were to ask the ministry of magic because according to them everything is just a bunch of lies and that harry must be high on sniffing too much magic dust. as new laws are imposed in hogwarts led by the new ministry-assigned teacher, harry refuses to give the fight up and is determined to defeat the dark lord whatever it takes. does he stand a chance against baldie and his minions? cant emma watson be of legal age already so it wont feel wrong to think she's hot? but most importantly, will these actors ever get to do other movies? moviegardium reviewsa!

the reaction: ive never read any of the harry potter books and i dont think i ever will. i tried to, once in the past, but i wasn't even able to get past page one. i dont know. i just dont feel like it. so pardon me for any mistake i might make about the books. i'll shoot it to you straight: i didnt like this movie. it was very disappointing. there was a certain level of energy and grandeur that the first four had which this one lacked. it was mostly flat and uneventful scenes. well, of course lots of stuff happen. i just didn't find them as striking as, say, the flying car sequence in chamber of secrets and the map thing in prisoner of azkaban. except for that quick wizard wand fight near the end, nothing else stands out as special, yes, even the broom ride along thames river. just scene after scene of mediocrity. it wasn't boring, mind you. it just felt weak as if you're not watching a harry potter movie at all. that's probably why the kids behind me were so noisy and barely paid attention to the movie. it didn't capture your interest. it merely played on the fact that it is a harry potter movie and people would watch it, fan of the book or not, regardless of what they put in there, like dancing frogs or something. upon leaving the theater, the movie seemed like a filler episode.

the special effects were okay, cgi was okay, like i said, nothing new. well, maybe for dumbledore's water ball. that was awesome. i read somewhere about hagrid having a half-brother in the movie that was done entirely in cgi and that the technology they used was quite advanced. really? it didn't seem like so. plus it was dark so that's kind of a giveaway. then there are those cart-pulling creatures that can only be seen by people who've seen death. only she and harry can see them. then later harry and the whole gang are riding these beasts. wait, what? how did that happen? im sure the book has some explanation but i guess they forgot to include that in the script. what, did harry kill a squirrel in front of his friends?

some of the other reviewers were right though when they said that the chemistry between daniel radcliffe, emma watson and the dude who plays ron (nice hair btw) was great. they do feel like they've been friends a long time. no dialogue-ish dialogue to reiterate their bond, just plain friend language real world people use. however, there was a highly noticeable absence of humor that was present in little sprinkles in the previous films. here, i didn't laugh one bit. the usual comic relief ron wasn't in the mood i guess. dumbledore is starting to become lame. i think that he should have the same presence of gandalf whenever he's on screen. here, he's more like gimli sans comedy. except for that wand-off (sorry can't help it) with voldemort in the end, he's quite depensable. i think the first actor was better. the only other actors worth praising was the girl who played the unblinking luna lovegood, and of course, gary oldman. dude's cool. everything he does, he does with panache, especially the way he casts his spells. en garde!

like i said, i was not impressed. whoever this director david yates is, they should fire him and have someone else direct the next one to work some magic to put the flame back on and keep it burning (get alfonso cuaron again!). like magic show where the magician does tricks you've already seen a million times that you know how it's done already, this gig was a letdown. ugh, i wish i'd watched this online instead.

the good: the wizard battle and gary oldman. (and emma watson of course, sshh!)
the bad: the direction, the screenplay and the rest of the movie.
the ugly: the asian girl. like, what!?
the verdict: 4 prophecy orbs.


he who must not be tamed

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DIE HARD 4.0 by obi

Detective John McClane is back with yet another showcase of his daredevil skills. In a daring attempt to sabotage the entire American economy, a group of cyber-terrorists lead by a sacked government computer head honcho Thomas Gabriel, executed what they dubbed as the "Firesale". "Firesale" is their term for a three-point economic cyber-sabotage composed of messing up with the traffic ways, blocking the communication lines, and shutting down the power grid. In able to do this, Gabriel's terrorist ring staged a competition among the hackers to program the software that will initiate the "Firesale". After the program was finished, the syndicate started killing all the hackers involved.

One hacker lived, as his assasination was foiled by McClane, who was under order to arrest the hacker - Matt Farrell. As the duo went along with their business, McClane eventually uncovered the reasons why Farrell was under attack and that it was tied up with the economic sabotages that was already hitting America (the start of the "Firesale"). McClane, who just won't die, kept on being the arse pain to Gabriel and company. In an attempt to sack the detective, Gabriel kidnapped his daughter and bargained for her life if he'll stop the crackdown to their evil plans.

With intense action scenes here and there, McClane finally saved her daughter and kill the bad dudes before help from the NBI arrived (how typical Pinoy film scenario!).

The movie's a very "guy film". True to it's title, it was jampacked with hardcore action scenes from start to end that it will make you wonder how the heck McClane survived all of that. The story was there and I pretty much like the concept of cyber-terrorism but take note that there's a whole LOT of exaggerations in the movie that certainly would never be possible in real life. So to appreciate the story, you'll going to keep in mind NOT to question the capabilities of the good guy... good guys should always triumph no matter how. Period. I also wanted how they emphasized the weakness of the American way of life brought upon by mucho dependence on computers. Props to whoever conceived of this idea for the prequel.

Overall, it's still your typical "Die Hard" film with a never-say-never cop who seemed to have challenged the world just to have his way of making criminals pay. They said it was a tad stylized than the prequels but I think it was mainly because of the presence of the organized crime group and the NBI officers (who have been visible all throughout the movie but wasn't really much of a help). I haven't watched Die Hard 3 (DH3) but I still can recall DH1 and DH2, and I can't see much change from the McClanes of the prequels. In this movie, McClane is still McClane. I'll have to give the credit to Bruce Willis and his charisma to carry on the charge of portraying the scruffy-looking detective again as he did years ago despite having aged to his 50's.

Hands down on the acting department. Timothy Olyphant (Gabriel) and Maggie Q (Mai Lihn) are very capable adversaries to McClane, with their merry band of computer hackers. Timothy has that sinister appeal on him while maintaining the "not-a-dumb-villain" look. Maggie Q, on the other hand, flawlessly fulfilled the role of the token Asian sidekick. She's still scorching hot on combat gears (as in MI:3) and although I find her resillience to McClane's attacks unbelievable (no matter how brutal they were and how wiry this chick is), I still loved her performance for the role. Cool martial arts moves too. Justin Long (Matt Farrell) did not look too geeky for his role. I'd rather prefer he portrayed the "geekiness" as exhibited by Warlock (Kevin Smith), but I guess that's what the director intended anyway.

One of the scenes that made me raised an eyebrow (although I really can't do that raising-an-eyebrow thing) was when an F35 jetplane chased down McClane on a freeway, and the protagonist walked out of it alive. That's just pushing it too much! I mean, McClane was being shot at like hell by anti-armor rounds and payloads of missiles with only a truck - a HUGE truck! - at his disposal.

HUGE TRUCK = HUGE TARGET

And the fighter pilot kept on missing the damn thing like a three year old trying to pin the tail on the donkey, blindfolded! And when he finally hits, he was still dumb enough to stuck himself to ground where McClane could make an easy work of doing funky stuffs to it and send it to doom. Watdapak?

All just to give the viewers a good action ride. So yeah, you should get by now what I'm trying to mean by "it's a guy film"... sacrificed reality for more loads of action!

Seven gulamans.

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RATATOUILLE by jaiskizzy

the gist: a rat named remy realizes that he's a rare rodent reared to round up rich recipes and not to rummage through rubbish. rrrr. his forbidden journey to the realm of humans leads him to the lanky linguini, a garbage boy who works for gusteau's restaurant and dreams of becoming a chef. i guess it was kismet that they met because soon their dreams come true as remy puppets linguni around the kitchen to make dazzling, delectable dishes, putting them in the suspicious sights of the two-heads-high head chef and the mean mouth of restaurant critic most cruel, anton ego. will the dynamic duo's cuisine reign supreme (iron chef! hah!)? will rats and humans finally have a mutual coexistence? wait a shit, a cooking rat?!?! hello, leptospirosis?!? [insert horror tune]

the reaction: i can't cook. gusteau is wrong when he said anyone can cook. anyone but me. i was anatomically assembled to consume, and not produce, food. and part of that process was probably to stay thin no matter how much i eat. anyways, this film focuses less on the food, more on the characters which is a good thing. just like in the incredibles, brad bird and the pixar peeps have once again taken a very absurd impossible idea and gave it a heart and made it believable. i totally dont dig the whole concept of a cooking rat but then when i watched this movie, that skepticism seems to have been switched off. i never actually thought i'd find rats endearing (im not scared of them like layla, but they are icky), but this film just makes it work. not only because it's animated, but the way the rats, especially remy, were presented with such personality and no forced cuteness, kind of like human beings in rat suits. in the slightly similar live-action movie willard, they made you hate rats even more than you already do. here, they managed to get you to be fond of them, or at least hate them less, for the duration of the movie. but afterwards, did i go home and start treating rats as friends? no, sir.

i liked the story, the classic reach-for-your-dreams-and-follow-your-heart, or in this case, follow the ghost of your idol chef. nice little love arc too. well, they are in paris, right? but the bestest best part of this movie is the cgi. pixar has come a long long way since toy story. every film is like the next step in cg animation, continuously raising the bar for the genre, but breaking that bar themselves. yes, shrek also has superb cg but the story aspect has deteriorated. here, the stars of the show are the rats. they look and move just like real rats. sure, they're also a bit cartoony but the details of realism are amazing. the way they scurry, get wet, sniff, very real. i read somewhere that the rats were supposed to look less real at first but brad bird decided against it. good call, mr. bird. as a paradox, the humans look very cartoonish. accompanied by great voice acting, most notably peter o'toole's anton ego, and you've got a spectacular treat of a movie.

they couldn't have picked a better tagline: a comedy with great taste. it's a fine funny family film that will definitely delight young and old alike. well, that's kind of a no-brainer since pixar hasn't failed the audiences' animated appetite. can't wait for their next serving (which is wall-e).

the good: the cgi. wet, cgi hair never looked so real.
tha bad: the whole idea. yeah, it's cute. but for crying out loud, a cooking rat?!?
the ugly: the kitchen filled with rats. now, imagine that's your kitchen...
the verdict: 7 lightninged mushrooms.


skizzy a la king

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DEATH NOTE by moira moirtæma

I've finished the 32-installment anime series after hours and hours of staring at the tube box, reading the impossibly miniature English subtitles. I so like the concept of the series and I wouldn't mind the perish of reading its poor translation.

Enough of the series.
This review is for its movie adaptation.

Unlike the series, the movie adaptation is far more simple yet gracefully
crafted. The plot is more comprehensible and yet at the same time, it wasn't forced. There were many deleted and modified scenes in the adaptation but it didn't deviate from the series' original concepts. Although the ending was unlikely like that of the series.

To sight a few of these differences -

Light is already in college when he picked up the Death Note, when in the series, he was still in highschool when he did.

Light doesn't have a girlfriend named Shiori who was killed by Kira thru manipulating Pebar's fiance.

L doesn't have mole on the left phase of his nose. (Ha-ha)

Chief Yagami didn't die in the movie. In the series, he even died still possessing a Death God's eye after being bombarded by Mello and his mafia. Hee.

L wrote his name on the Death Note to convince Chief Yagami that Light is the real Kira. Eventually, he died after 20 days as what the rule says. He died peacefully while eating a chocolate bar.

Light was killed by Ryuk, himself by writing his name on the Death Note.

Over-all, the movie is good. Although, there were major changes made to the script, the complexity is still there. Not to mention, the 3D animation was superbly crafted. The casting was also good, yet there were aspects in the adaptation where the character of the actor or actress surfaced than that of the character that they are portraying.

Picture is good too.
I give the adaptation, four stars.

Cheers.

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