ULTRAVIOLET by jaiskizzy

from the makers of equilibrium comes this femme fatale flick that feels videogame-ish and with a plot that goes something like: in a world you may not understand... there are these hemophages, you see, and they are like vampires and they have superhuman capabilities, and the normal humans want them eradicated. violet is one of them, and so she infiltrates a lab and steals the weapon which will supposedly put an end to the hemophages but it turns out it is just a boy and violet decides to protect him against her fellow hemophages who want him dead. ah screw the plot.

i liked the aeon flux cartoon on mtv. i hated the live action aeon flux movie. why? because it failed to capture the essence that made the cartoon great: good storyline, good action. i mean, isnt that what all action movies should have? if you cant have both, at least pump up the action juice to compensate for the flawed plot (because less action and more story aint gonna cut as a good action movie). that's what ultraviolet did. they avoided the usual mistake of sacrificing the action for plot development. with a plot the viewers wont care about understanding anyway, focus on the real meat of the matter right? the shooting, the fighting, the swordplay, the special effects, and it worked for me. not much, but enough to say that it is a better movie than aeon flux. still there were boring moments that got past the cutting room. especially those that only had violet and six in them.

take for example the matrix. why is that movie so good? great story, great action. even when neo's already doing kicks in bullet time, you're still rooting for him out of care. in ultraviolet, from from the moment violet arrived at the lab to the last battle, i knew she'd win. okay, so the sfx were good, she could change the color of her clothes and hair anytime, she defies gravity and pulls weapons out of nowhere and loads her gun with bullets coming out of her wrists, there were some nice gun-kata, but beyond that, there was nothin connection between violet and me. i didnt feel her pain. it was like, she did all of it because she can. not because she has to. the storyline lacked a lot of weight. (a movie with the same condition would be van helsing). in the end, even when they both discovered they were gonna die soon, even after violet cried over the boy thinking he was dead, even when the ending meant hope, you'll easily flush the movie out of your system. no conversations about this movie will ever occur, but if there were, it will be about some of the action sequences, and it wont last longer than five minutes or branch out into deep debates.

ultraviolet = ultravioleNt? nope. visually-appealing but not very impressive. i didnt even use the adjective "cool" anywhere in the previous paragraphs. sheesh.

the good: action choreography. nice for an american film.
the bad: everything else.
the ugly: violet's bangs.
the score: 5 bladed guns.

the skiz.

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THE PROMISE by jaiskizzy

this epic fantasy is about a slave with superspeed running powers, a beautiful princess/royal concubine worshipped by men, and a kick-ass general with a kick-ass armor whose lives are intertwisted by fate in love triangle story that goes a little something like this: general hires slave. general wants princess. general is wounded. general makes slave wear armor and get princess. princess falls in love with slave thinkin it is general. slave falls in love with princess and keeps it to himself. slave, princess, and general decide to get it over with and have a threesome. last sentence not true.

there's a big part of the filipino in me that envies the chinese film industry. whenever you mention "chinese movie", you'd usually think "kung fu" (and when you mention "pinoy movie" you'd usually think "face-slapping", "excessive crying" and "dancing in the beach"). i have seen numerous chinese flicks, and apart from being mostly kung fu, ive always noticed how each film was different from the rest and very well made. shots you never see anywhere else. actors who do their own martial arts and stunts. costumes that belong to a museum. and most of the time, especially in epics, the story just captures your attention. to name a few: storm riders, a man called hero, hero, and the house of flying daggers. the promise (wu ji) falls right into the same department.

what i really liked most about this movie was the fight scenes. hands down, the best yet ive laid my eyes on so far. i couldnt tell exactly whether it was "wire-fu" or cgi. if you've ever seen a sugo episode, you've definitely seen the horrible way they use the harness to show flight or floating. even if the wires have been magically erase through editing (and believe me, it aint easy), you still would actually swear that the guy has wires and people are pulling him up. if sugo is the "how-not-to-do-it", the promise is the "how-to-do-it-perfectly". the early war scene with the general battling a battalion all by himself was a great way to begin this fantasy fight fest. there was also a fight scene near a tree and any wire would have been entangled in the branches but this dude still flies up with ease and then lands with gravity. also, in the villain's hq, a fight scene between the villain and the slave involves razor-sharp fans that the villain throws in the air, continues fighting with the slave as the fan spins around them, and then catches it as if on cue. like i said, whether they did it with wires or cgi, they did it good. the other aspect of the film that makes it work wonderfully was the cast. a lot of credit oughta go to the dude who plays kunlun the slave. for a koreanovela actor, he pulled it off nicely. same goes to the japanese guy who played a chinese general. but my utmost appreciation belongs to cecilia cheung, couldnt have thought of a better actress to play the much-sought after princess (except maybe layla...). she's so versatile and so gorgeous, a perfect choice for the role of a concubine who's mere glance gives warriors a hard-on. she's thinner than the last time i saw her in a movie, but i cant complain. it is only her that surpasses the effects in giving this movie its magnificence(the "kite" sequence alone, i could watch over and over).

an excellent epic i extremely enjoyed.

the good: the wire-fu and cecilia cheung
the bad: the "prologue" which i didnt understand at first. but i guess it's just me.
the ugly: the general in a steamy sex scene with cecilia cheung. lucky bastard...
the score: 9 white feathers.

the skiz.

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OLDBOY by jaiskizzy

oh dae-su is abducted and locked up in a hotel-ish prison for reasons he doesn't know. after 15 years of gas-induced sleep, masturbating on tv singers, and plotting his revenge on the guilty parties, he is released, as mysterious as he was captured, with a cellphone and a load of cash. a stranger calls him, telling him that he has 5 days to find out the whole truth, and with he help of a waitress, he pursues his vengeance spree, unaware of the dreadful conclusion that awaits him.

this film had eluded me for ages since i heard of it. ive gone to many dvd hunts lookin for it but to no success. then, some time in september, i saw an internet article saying that the movie will be screened free at a place called titus-brandsma, but alas! it was on a saturday, i was still on probationary employment with a six-day work week back then and ive exhausted my absences for the month already. and then finally, i have managed to acquire a crisp-quality copy with subtitles, and, as ive said before, the wait was all worth it. the famous one-take hallway brawl scene was as good as i imagined it would be. lots of great camera work. not as gory as takashi miike's movies, but still gut-wrenching enough to make it unforgettable. stunning piece from park chan wook (who directed "cut" from three...extremes). it must have been a grueling yet rewarding experience for the whole crew to come up with a film like this.

there is nudity and sex, but id rather not spill a word about it. actors were perfect, the highest of praises to dae-su, especially in the ending. it'll make you wonder if you'd react the same way in the same situation. this is the most crooked character-driven drama ive seen so far. the "magic" (for lack of a better term) of this movie would definitely be ruined if i say more than ive already said. you'll just have to see it for yourselves. and trust me, nothing you can do to prepare for this wicked ride...

the good: the story. it'll grab you, make you cringe, or shock you to the bone, depending on the kind of person you are. me? i was awed. creeped out, but awed.
the bad: the slow pace, which didnt bother me much, might turn most viewers off
the ugly: just about everything, upon seeing the twist ending.
the score: 10 live octopi.

the skiz.

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THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE by jaiskizzy

through a magical closet, four siblings stumble into the ice-laden realm of narnia, fulfilling the prophecy that 2 sons of adam and 2 daughters of eve will come to aid qui-gon jinn the lion in vanquishing the white witch and put and end to her tyrannical rule. let the fantastic cgi war commence!

when i edited the two-mintue-plus mulawin movie trailer for television last year, the cgi didnt impress me at all. well, maybe the dragon looked good but overall, it bombed, for me anyways. then i read somewhere that exodus was boasting of having more cgi scenes than the lord of the rings. that was enough to tick me off with these darn movies. quality over quantity, you morons, and quality with proper usage. in a hilarious review of mulawin (read here scroll down to lupisan), some dude points out how the dragon never really interacted with the real players (and from the trailer i edited, there was this scene of two kid mulawins flying side by side, their wings overlapping. sheesh). when i saw narnia with layla and my sibs, it only stressed my point that no matter how they say that our film industry has come a long way regarding special effects, we're still eating dust from those who are way ahead. so until they could equal the seamlessness of the narnia griffon alone, they ought to shut the hell up.

kudos in big heaps to the geeks who made aslan come to life, and i mean really come to life. that was the most realistic lion animation ever. and apart from the aforementioned griffon, my favorite would be the cheetahs. in the scenes where they're part of the crowd, they were so human, the best cgi rendition of a curious bystander ive seen. then there's the centaurs which are just plain cool. which brings us to the climactic battle that is basicaclly all of these good things multiplied and mashed together in a ferocious fight frenzy. simply breathtaking. cgi is meant to suspend disbelief. we know it's not there, it's not real, but when the cgi is well-done and well-used, you believe for a moment that it is.

anyways, the sfx aint the only thing that made narnia work. although the kids werent very good actors, they did their roles justice. great performance by tilda swanton, the white witch, who played gabriel in constantine. awesome set designs (the ice statues were "cool") and costumes. ive never read a page of the narnia books, but the story was weaved fine in the movie. it's always good to watch a movie meant for kids and like it as an adult. wish i had a magic wardrobe as well. it should open up to the playboy mansion instead though.

the good: primarily, the special effects. those whol'll be making next pinoy sfx-heavy fantasy movie should learn from this film.
the bad: if the potion that santa claus gave to lucy cured all wounds with a single drop, how come edmund still had one on his lip?
the ugly: the scene where they're walking on a rock bridge formation and they get a nice view of narnia. obviously done with a green screen.
the score: 8 turkish delights.

the skiz.

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HOSTEL by jaiskizzy

two american dudes and their new icelandic buddy travel around europe for some double-b fun: beer and babes (and breasts and butts). they are then lured to a hostel in bratislava where gorgeous, hot, horny women await them. what seems to be a wet dream come true for them (and all men) turns out to be a nightmare underneath when suddenly another b word is added to mix: blood. this, friends, is my kinda movie.

easily made the list of my favorite films i keep inside my head. started off kinda slow, but i didn't mind, thanks to the huge amount of t&a (oh yeah). i mean all of it is vital to the story since these guys are lookin for adventure, and i guess it worked cause a part of me desired to try amsterdam out and immerse myself in the same hedonistic activities (only in your dreams, skiz. you are not single...). anyways, so as tipped by some dude through pictures of him burried under female nakedness, the trio head to bratislava and check into a hostel where they have to share a room with strangers. but these strangers have nice tits and soon they've paired off and testing the bedsprings. next morning, the icelander is missing, supposedly he ran off with a japanese chick. (trivia: this movie has 9 different languages and zero subtitles, and holds the record for the most different languages in an american film without subtitles. cool.) you'll just have watch the film or yourselves to find out what follows next because it's a road staight to spoiler zone. only thing i could say is that all that skin baring level is then surpassed by violence and gore, with finger slicing, open chests, and optic nerve cutting to name a few. real awesome juicy stuff. obviously, this movie is very much a guy flick. but im pretty sure some if not many girl would enjoy it, although probably not as much as us men (espcially me) would. but there is one scene near the very end that most if not all girls would relate to: when the girl sees her reflection in the glass and what she does after that. classic.

the cameo by takashi miike (genuflect), who makes movies like this, was so cool, and made him live right up to his reputation. the endind was perfect, (i almost applauded like the audience in the vcd did, only i was watching it alone) the details of which id rather not discuss to avoid spoiling it, so i'll just say the one word that was plastered in my brain all throughout the ending sequence: punishment.

produced by quentin tarantino and directed by eli roth (great work, guys), this fine fucked-up flick's got more gore than you'll ask for. definitely not for the squeamish. and i hope it stays that way when they release it in our theaters because i will watch it again. a truly superb movie. i completely enjoyed every maniacal moment, every mindfuckin minute, and every sadistic second of it. here's to gore noir(term by harry knowles)!

the good: everything. the nudity, the carnage, the plot, the script, the direction. like i said, everything.
the bad: well, just a lil complaint. that blond dude character. what a total wuss...
the ugly: the gore of course! but it is ugliness that's beautiful!
the score: 10 bubble gum chewing street kids. hehe.

the skiz.

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THE CONSTANT GARDENER by jaiskizzy

ralph fiennes, a diplomat, meets and falls in love with rachel weisz, a human rights activist. their seeminly perfect relationship is crumbled when her snooping around about drug-testing on african children gets her killed. he sets out to find the truth out only to put himself in the middle of a dangerous conspiracy.

this remarkable film was directed by the dude who made the outstanding city of god, and ingeniously a love story, a drama, and a thriller whipped up together with a lil wee bit of documentary flavor. the great colors, the fantastic shots, and the fine switching of tones make better the simple yet gripping storyline. ralph fiennes did really well. the scene where he is tending a plant in his house and his friend tells him his wife had died, the reaction on his face, awesome. rachel weisz was just as magnificent, proving that her acting skill isnt limited (after seeing her last in constantine). that look in her eyes when she offered herself to a guy to get the papers she needed was classic.

i like it. it... moved me. it's a great movie with a great message and it gets that message across, depends on the type of person you are whether that message is gently absorbed into your skin and glows from within or you feel it slapped hard onto your face like a wet slipper (to me it was like a button was pressed and a new feature was turned on). however there is a tiny part of me that itches negatively about it (maybe because my companion had already seen it with someone else before me?). oh well...

the good: it inspires and makes you realize how you take so many things for granted.
the bad: eventhough i fully understand their purpose, the repeating videos were sorta annoying.
the ugly: the slums and the golf course separated only by a railroad track. depressing. consider ourselves lucky.
the verdict: 9.5 (out of 10)

let us all hope (and do our part as well) for a world without weeds...

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TODO SOMBRE MI MADRE by jaiskizzy

a single mom loses her son in an accident and goes off to find the boy's gay father to tell him about their son and meets penelope cruz who is a pregnant nun. the father? the same gay dude.

wonderful and definitely not boring. manuela, the mother, was very... well, motherly. i think this is the only film that is heavily gay but not offensive or disgusting. even the gay guy who screwed manuela and penelope cruz look so gay but in an okay way. you'd probably cry a bit in some parts if you watch this but then suddenly this agrado creature appears and makes you laugh yourself up. the movie maiden and i saw before this was so boring, we both fell asleep in the theaters but this woke us up and got our unwavering attention.

way better than any of the drama series local television has puked out. those hollowheaded "writers" oughta watch this and learn from it. a simple and unloud yet awesome storyline, characters as alive as my fartmeister neighbor, and cinematography to feast your eyes on.

bravo.

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TESIS by jaiskizzy

while doing a thesis on audiovisual violence, a girl (who looks more like a woman) finds a snuff film that sends her and her eccentric friend into a suspense-filled investigation.

utterly brilliant. with zero knowledge of the existence of this movie, i nary had the slightest thought that this was a thriller. i was expecting something drama-ish like 8mm since they have resembling plots but just like that scene where a dude was getting candles and a hand suddenly shoots out from the darkness in a most unexpected timing, i was extremely surprised by the direction this film went. thanks for taking me there, amenabar!

the great shots, the rising tension, the effective frights, and a cool movie geek in the form of chema, i must give this superb film a sky-high recommendation (as if i were somebody, huh?) especially to my fellow horror fans out there. you'll not be disappointed. take my word. it scared the crap out of the maiden. gonna buy it on dvd.

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DR. STRANGELOVE by jaiskizzy

(or how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb)

in this stanley kubrick black comedy masterpiece, a u.s. general goes insane and orders an aerial attack on russia. the president and his men gather in the pentagon war room to prevent a nuclear crisis. and a b-52 bomber crew will stop at nothin to accomplish their mission.

as serious as the plot may sound, this movie is darn hilarious. but unlike all-out comedies, the gags and jokes arent forced down your throat to get a laugh. they are really part of the narrative flow that you'd find yourself tickled by (unlike most pinoy comedy flicks that contain unnecessary out-of-story scenes that the writer heard as anecdotes from drinkin buddies). the dialogue is impeccable and realistically funny, with perfect delivery from the actors, such as the phone conversations between the american president and the russian premiere, without hearing the latter's voice. most of the sequences are plain talk and limited only to three locations (an office, the pentagon war room, and inside a b-52) but the story progresses splendidly.

i believe that it is, however, the actors that carry this wonderful film. this is the most colorful black and white film ive ever seen, due to their amazing talents. peter sellers plays three roles in the film (the dull captain mandrake, the gayish president muffley and the eccentric dr. strangelove) and he plays them all very well. he's really a great comedian with perfect timing and blend of physical and verbal comedy. but my favorite is general buck turgidson, portrayed magnificently by george scott, the one tasked to face the president and explain everything to him. his lines were awesome and he never fell out of character, always loud and obnoxious, a true anti-communist general, very much convincing and highly amusing.

i never really saw this movie as sexual as many critics said (it began with a coitus-like scene of a plane refueling another and ended with an mulit-orgasmic display of exploding bombs). what i saw was a remarkable fun film and its unique humor, unforgettable characters, and memorable scenes. absolutely brilliant. definitely another one of my favorites.

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GUMMO by jaiskizzy

kids was a great movie, ken park wasnt. and both had realistic sex. both were written by a fella named harmony korine, and gummo is his directorial debut. honestly, i still cant figure out if i liked or didnt like the movie. hmmm...

it's about a small town named xenia, ohio where people do abnormal activities as if they were normal. kids kill stray cats and sell them for glue to sniff on. a boy goes around wearing rabbit ears. girls put tape on their nipples and peel them off again. a mother shampoos her son while he eats spaghetti and milk in the tub. these and a bunch of other stuff you wouldnt normally see in town movies are told in a non-linear fashion, using different cameras, but with noticeably fine editing. the scenes (which are kinda like short films that could stand alone by themselves) are cut and spliced together almost perfectly, putting into mind that each scene is totally different from the others in many factors.

however, the praises end there. overall, the movie doesnt have a coherent storyline and i didnt know what everything meant collectively. when i finished watching the movie, i was like, "so what?". korine should have focused on the character of solomon. he's one of the cat killers, he's the boy in the tub, and in one nice scene, he tapes together spoons and forks and uses them as weights and pumps iron in front of a mirror to madonna's "like a prayer". but many scenes werent as good as this and kept me wondering why they were there.

i believe that a film should be good as a whole. so i guess gummo is a bad movie. harmony korine oughta stick to writing and let the good directors do their job.

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ERASERHEAD by jaiskizzy

this is david lynch's first feature film and is about the nightmare of a life of a man named henry which takes an even more crooked turn when a freak-ass ugly baby is thrown into the picture, care of his girlfriend mary.

mulholland drive was the first (and only other) david lynch movie ive ever watched and, because of it was weird and messed-up, it instantly became one of my favorites. eraserhead is the latest addition to that list. this movie is sheer madness. mr. lynch took a simple little plot, ate it and puked out a dark disturbing dream-like flick with chunks of strange symbolism. each scene bears the director's surreal style, almost as if he is unable to depict an event the way it would happen in real life. there's the man in the planet, the sperm-like mini-monsters, the lady in the radiator, and other illogical things that are left for the audience to theorize the meanings. the imagery is obscure and detaching, but the message is quite clear.

a memorable scene in the movie is the first time the lady in the radiator appears. she dances (?) on a stage while sperm creatures fall from above. with a smile she smashes a few of them. there could be many explanations for this but i think that she (she has wrinkly bloated cheeks) represents a woman's egg and the sperm creatures are actually sperm. in another scene, she sings "in heaven, everything is fine", maybe telling henry to do something to take control of his life, which is suicide? i honestly am not sure if i am correct but whether i am or not doesnt matter. the movie speaks for itself.

in a way, i believe, the mutant baby symbolizes the whole movie. it was meant to be like that and it's up to you to love it or hate it. i, of course, loved it.

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CASSHERN by jaiskizzy

long years of war has laid waste a nation and a geneticist has discovered a way to counteract the suffering: "neo-cells" that regenerate human body parts. the experiments take time until an unexpected force intervenes, creating "neo-sapiens" out to destroy mankind. the geneticist's son, tetsuya, who died in the war, is revived and uses his powers to stop the neo-sapien menace.

eversince i saw its supercool mind-imploding trailer (despite having no sound) last year, i have been itching to watch this movie. japanese films always have a unique grandiose quality in them, and casshern is more than enough proof of that. this fantastic film is heavy in cgi put to good use. i felt like i was watching a 2-hour long video game fmv, waiting to take control of the main hero. it starts off slow, setting the stage, introducing the characters, yet never gets boring (however, this part could put off anyone who is not used to or totally unfamiliar of this style of storytelling). the visuals are stunning, and im not just talking about the cgi. the way the scenes were shot and presented, the flow, the editing, truly exceptional. there are quite a few sequences where characters are talking but we only hear their voices over a different scene, not showing any of them. it's nothing new but how it was utilized here was perfection of that method. the scenes with luna are enchanting, she had that anime-type of face and on two separate instances, my two companions commented that she looked like she was computer-generated (she resembles final fantasy x's yuna).

this isnt an all-out action flick, but when the action arrives, it hits and leaves a bruise. in anime, when a character performs a special move, streaks appear in the background. here, anime is made real, as tetsuya runs, fights, strikes and streaks appear behind him. he single-handedly obliterates an army of robots and duels with the neo-sapiens, wearing his cool white armor with a faceguard that comes out and retracts at will. each scene shows the cool things you can do with cgi with the right vision. pinoy movies that boast of "internationally-competent" special effects dont even come close to one seamless frame of casshern's.

i love war movies but i hate wars. nobody really wins. and that's what the core of this movie teaches us: that we are all here not just to exist, but to co-exist. living is not enough, life should be shared. the movie ends with tetsuya, luna, and the others transported to another planet to start anew. damn i wish i could do that.

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LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS by jaiskizzy

here, jim carrey is count olaf, the eccentric scheming uncle of the three baudelaire children (the inventor violet, the bookworm klaus, and the biter sunny) who lost their parents in a house fire, leaving them a huge sum of moolah. count olaf wants the moolah for himself and does everything he could to ruin the orphans' lives, in a dark peculiar movie that, had i not seen the credits, id swear was directed by tim burton.

whenever i am in makati and have time to kill, i always pay a visit to powerbooks to do some skimming. i first stumbled upon the lemony snicket books there sometime last year and i was only able to read the synopses on the back covers, which were more like warnings that they werent happy books. the movie started off in the same vein, that it wasnt about a giggly little elf in the forest and that you can choose to leave the theater if you want to see that one. of course, i chose to stay and watch lemony snicket's with my lovely companion.

anyways, the movie is darn good. i liked it primarily because the sets, the shots, the costumes, the overall tone of the movie had a goth feel to it. it doesnt make itself cute (well, except for the baby), the jokes arent over-the-top funny, and people really die and stay dead. totally not your average sugarcoated kiddie movie. jim carrey, eventhough not that all-out, did great as count olaf, and like id always say about him, once you watch him portray a character, you'd find it hard to think of another actor who can fit that role. he practically steals every scene he's in (which is a joke in itself because he's playing the role of a bad actor who thinks he's the best there is). the kids, although virtually uknown to me, did pretty well. violet pulled off a believable young macgyver tying her hair whenever she had an idea. klaus i think was a bit underused but the close-up shots of books sliding out of the shelves was neat. but i enjoyed watching sunny the biting baby most of all. her "acting" was splendid. the quick scene where she was helping pull the strap back into the car was a brilliant moment.

the "putanesca." "what did you call me?" scene made me laugh real hard. im not sure if it had the same effect on other people, but simple, subtle, almost nonsense gags like that never fail tickle me.

my maiden said the movie made you wish it would never end and she was right. it never bores you. i found myself anxiously anticipating what would happen next, conflict after conflict, putting the kids in trouble, with no magic powers to use or superheroes to save them, relying merely on their wits and a little bit of luck. and when the film ends, you still carry that anticipation of knowing what the future holds for the baudelaire kids. a sequel perhaps?

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