ANGELS & DEMONS by obi

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

The gist...
The symbologist Dr. Robert Langdon has been called by the Vatican to solve a threat by the church's long-dormant nemesis - the Illuminati.

The situation is this:
* The Pope is dead.
* The Conclave of Cardinals is in session for Papal election.
* Four of the top candidates - the preferatti - are kidnapped by the Illuminati.
* A bomb threat is up in the Vatican... a powerful bomb that can wipeout the entire city-state.

The Illuminati will start to murder the kidnapped Cardinals one by one before midnight - the time the bomb is set to detonate. Langdon, starting with a clue from a Galilean book, follows the trail of the culprit around the walled city as the latter sets to accomplish his murder spree. Three dead Cardinals after, the symbologist still hops around the Vatican in a race to make sense with everything that is happening.

As Langdon closes in on the murderer, events unfold that leads to the discovery of the people behind the plot. On a dramatic climax, he saves the last Cardinal and exposes (in a sorry way of tying lose ends) everything that the viewers need to know.

The verdict...
What's outright striking about the movie is the overall aesthetics of the sets and locations. As if on a tour bus racing around the Vatican, the scenes switch from one landmark to another... as quick as the fast paced movie can showcase in two hours. Great cinematography!

The story is a lame excuse for a mystery flick. The development of the conflict is progressive only up to the point where Langdon flew to the Vatican and started nosing around. By the time clues started raining down on the symbologist, all went in a confused flurry of lame riddles and chasing around the Vatican and boring action scenes. I can imagine a more interesting Hardy Boys plot line.

What sparked a bit of interest for me is the same reason why I enjoyed "Da Vinci Code" - the way Robert Brown interlaced facts and fiction and make it seem to have an appearance of plausibility. I love the concept of the Illuminati and the personalities Brown affiliated with it... Galileo, Bernini, Michaelangelo, and Raphael Santi. He could have used the mystery of this clandestine group for a deeper plot line than just being a mask of the Carmelengo's deeds.

I haven't read the book so I can't tell if it was adapted in the movie well. But I have a big hunch it did not.

The acting is cool. The cast is cool. The script lame. Langdon is a walking curator! I mean 80% of the film, he's wise-talking and annotating every single Encyclopedia entry they pass through along the story. Again, I don't know if that's how Langdon's character is supposed to be since I quite remember a different Langdon from the "Da Vinci Code". And I don't mind it either... it's educational! It's just that there are a lot more creative ways of presenting information to readers than directly spoon-feeding.

In all, don't take the story too seriously or prepare to be disappointed. It may appear to have depth in the start but as Langdon starts to crack through the mystery, you'll have this notion that the story is more of an elementary detective novel than a CSI-ish episode.

6 of 10.

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ANGELS & DEMONS by jaiskizzy

apercu: the pope dies and just as the vatican dudes are about to choose the next one, an enemy from the past, the illuminati, abducts the candidates and hides an antimatter bomb somewhere in the holy city set to go off at midnight and delete the world's smallest country from google earth. with no pope and no hope, they turn to a swimming tom hanks for help, who thankfully doesnt stay in his trunks for the rest of the movie.

the da vinci code was bad. you would expect that all those bad reviews of that movie would immensely affect the plans for the sequel and make the planners double their efforts to produce a better film. but i guess they just didnt care and went ahead with shooting tom hanks snap into lectures about history in the same annoying way the paperclip pops up in microsoft office and uncover the dumbest mystery ever by following clues that are so dumb the perpetrators could have just left those sticker footprints you find in malls and it wouldn't have made a difference. seriously, there are way better scooby-doo and 1960s batman vs. riddler episodes than this movie. here is a rough example of the audience brain cell murdering of angels and demons: tom hanks and the gang arrive at the scene. they look for an angel sculpture. it has to be an angel for reasons i didnt pay attention to. they find the statue. it's pointing to somewhere. west, i think. they look at a map for churches in the west for the next clue. there it is. a church with an italian name that in english means castle of angels. ayfkm?!? (are you fucking kidding me question mark exclamation point question mark)

the dialogue was quite terrible. there were attempts at humor but failed. the action scenes didnt get any reaction from me. the ending was unsurprising because, with such a small of well-knowns, you know it had to be one of them. i cant wait for a movie where the one behind all the evildoings was an extra who was always somewhere in the background. the only aspect of the film that was watchable was obi-wan, as my beloved jeej refers to him. to me, ewan mcgregor will always be mark renton and it's pretty amazing that the same guy who dived into a toilet to retrieve suppositories just to get a fix is a priest in this movie. when he did the speech with the cardinals, i was expecting him to seque into the choose life monolgue.

don't know about the book but this movie ought to be condemned for its sin of crappiness. for the lost souls out to find cinematic pleasure, allow me to spread the word: thou shalt not waste thy moolah on this. if there is a hell, it could probably be looped screenings of this movie.

the good: the science versus religion thing and the ewan mcgregor thing.
the bad: the every thing else.
the ugly: tom hanks' "facial"
the verdict: 4 smoking cardinals



the illuminaughty.
or
angers and dream-ons

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STAR TREK by obi

SPOILERS AHEAD!

The gist...
A humongous Romulan starship got sucked back in from the future. Bent on avenging the destruction of his homeworld, its Captain (Nero) initiated a blackhole in the core of planet Vulcan to decimate the planet from within!

Out to investigate the catastrophe, an armada of Starfleet cruisers are sent to Vulcan. All these cruisers are decimated by the Romulans in a cunning ambush bar one - the "Enterprise". James Kirk, who is just stowed aboard the infamous starship, predicted this attack and is able to forwarn the Captain about it. In a daring attempt to negotiate with the Romulans, Captain Pike of the "Enterprise" appointed First Officer Spock as temporary Captain and the braggart Kirk as substitute First Officer while he dared to ferry himself into the Romulan spacecraft.

Captain Pike is eventually held captive by Nero. Outgunned and outsized by the Romulan ship, Spock take the logical choice to retreat and redezvous with the Starfleet. Kirk forcefully opposed the idea (wanting to outright follow and attack the escaping Romulans) which eventually made the Vulcan Captain eject him out of the "Enterprise" and into a nearby ice planet.

There, Kirk meet an older Spock (also from the future), who showed him to an onplanet Starfleet outpost and meet Montgomery Scott. Scott devised a gadget that beamed them back to "Enterprise". Aided by insights from the old Spock, Kirk tricked the present-time Spock into relinquishing his command of the cruiser and appointed himself the new Captain. With this new post, he executed his original plan to chase the Romulan ship and, in a foolhardily heroic plan, is able to beam inside the enemy vessel!

Being the good guys they are (good guys are just... y'know... good!), the plan went off well and the "Enterprise" are able to get rid of the Romulan ship and rescue Captain Pike. For this bravery, Kirk becomes permanent Captain of the "Enterprise" and the rest is let us say a joyride for the Trekkie fandom.

The verdict...
I'm no Trekkie but the film impressed me. I can only vaguely remember the original series but I guess this worked as an advantage for my enjoyment of the movie. It feels all new to me aside from the ship and the crew!

The CGI is a visual treat! Flawless and sleek, it effectively made the movie a must-see in the big screen. The sets are creatively designed and although they have touches reminiscent of the old Star Trek settings, most are fused and interspersed with props and materials that are of original concept. I particularly liked the "inside" of the Romulan ship, keeping the idea that it should look ahead of technology (as it's supposed to be from the future) while portraying the cabalistic nature of the crew.

The opening part of the movie can be quite confusing as it's not outright implied that the plot would involve an alternate universe and a time travel. Aside from that, the screenplay is generally mediocre with plot lines that are, if not totally briliant, just enough to bolster what the rest of the movie has to boast. As long as it's not outright dumb to waste such a good production, I'm good with it.

The assemblage of casts to portray the much-loved crew of "Enterprise" is well-done. Chris Pine (Captain James Kirk) nailed the William Shatner portrayal of the Don Juan chief of the starship and added little touches of his own device. Zachary Quinto's Spock (the younger one) is very very convincing as somebody torn between his emotionless and logical Vulcan nature and his sentimental Earthling half. John Cho's character Sulu is really vague on my recollections but I've always remembered him as a kick-ass fencer. It's kinda portrayed in the film as he duelled with a sword against a Romulan. So so acting. Anton Yelchin (Chekov) doesn't have to do much but talk in his annoying accent. Simon Pegg (Scotty) and Karl Urban (Bones) have really likeable characters while Zoe Saldana (Uhura) blew her's. She's obviously just trying. Eric Bana's Romulan captain Nero is a strong performance.

Salute goes to Leonard Nimoy (the original Spock) for reprising his role. He doesn't have to do much anyway but act as a more laid-back Spock than the one he used to play. Should not be hard for an aging man.

Action scenes are packed good along the story. I like how the space fights are designed. None too grandiose as Star Wars' but just excellently crafted to be visually impressive. I don't like the Uhura-Spock romance. It seems like a poor attempt at putting it just for the sake of having a love angle in there.

To sum it, the director has been bold enough to fuse some new concepts into the old premise of Star Trek and still pull it off well.

9 of 10!

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X-MEN ORIGINIS: WOLVERINE by obi

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

The spoiler...
Logan and his brother Victor served the American army formidably and this is mainly because of their innate mutant abilities. Along the way, they met Colonel Stryker, an ambitious officer who assembled a team of mutants (and conscripting the brothers in it) that acted as a Special Force for the military. After a while, the team's differences took toll and they separated to live their own civilian lives.

Logan went a simple living on the mountains of Canada with his wife. One day, Victor returned and claimed the life of his beloved. Wanting to kill Victor for revenge, he agreed to Colonel Stryker's experiment to infuse adamantium to his bones rendering him almost indestructible. Tagged as Weapon X by Stryker's experiment, Logan opted to rather be called as Wolverine (taken from one of his wife's tales). He learned that Stryker wanted something else out of the experiment and tried to erase his memories. Wolverine escaped the facility and along the way learned that Stryker himself is in league with Victor.

The two are involved in kidnapping mutants and conducting experiements with them on a secluded facility called the "Island".

Wolverine went out to search for this facility and after arriving on it, new revelations has been revealed - his wife is not dead and is only blackmailed to cooperate with Stryker to save the life of her sister who is under the Colonel's captivity. Freeing the captive mutants, Wolverine (with Victor helping out) eventually has to battle with Weapon XI, the last and best mutant warrior Stryker's experiments have produced.

They are able to defeat Weapon XI and destroy the facility. The captive mutants are saved by a cameo appearance of Professor X. Wolverine however was shot by Stryker in the head with an adamantium bullet. The wounds healed but the damage in his brain made him forgot everything. Stryker was arrested by the military and rest is... well... X-Men history.

The verdict...
I've always liked Wolverine and I have to agree that Hugh Jackman (though out of scale to the original Wolverine who should only be 5'3 feet in height) is one of the best choice to grab the role. He looks like Logan and acts the role well.

It's cool that I'm familiar with most of the mutants on the film and like a fanboy I go "Oooh, I know him/her!" in my mind when a mutant appeared along the story. Some are not outright recognizable but there are enough hints to know who's who. Some of the most prominent characters are the Blob, Sabretooth (Victor), a young Cyclops, Deadpool (one of my favorites in Marvel), Emma Frost, and Gambit. It's disappointing that Gambit has been shown a lot of times in the movie's preview but doesn't play that much role in the movie itself.

There are obvious deviance from the canon story as read in the Marvel comicbooks but I believe that they are made in good spirit of TRYING to come up with an interesting story. This made the film also fairly acceptable to people who don't know crap about Wolverine and the rest of the Marvel mutants in print. The storyline is typical of comicbook adaptations where lose ends fly aplenty and impossibilities are only limited by the scriptwriters' ingenuity to make things happen. It's a leave-brain-at-home screenplay.

Actually, the movie can be boring, really, if you'll not be dazzled by the more-than-enough action scenes it packs. Some time along the movie you'll realize that mutant characters come and go like they just want to throw in as much mutants as possible even if they don't really help much on progressing the story. I can go as far as saying that there's not enough "flash" on the film (which should be expected on sci-fi flicks like this). Computer effects is horrible as some of the green screen scenes and digital edits are obvious. They've provided subtle fan services to the really hardcore Wolverine fans but it won't change the impact to people who would look for value for what they paid.

In all, it's your generic superhero flick. Nothing innovative is introduced in it except the fact that you'll learn that Wolverine's name actually originated from a who-knows-what-language word that sounds like "koo-koo kachoo!" Haha... laughtrip!

4 out of 10.

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DETROIT METAL CITY by jaiskizzy

the gist: a wussy wimpy country boy leaves home to go to tokyo to (too many to's?) fulfill his dream of becoming a "fashionable musician" but busking with his acoustic guitar and his sissy songs gets him nowhere past having a street dog as a fan. however, he is, in fact, secretly and reluctantly, johannes krauser ii, the made-up lead vocalist/guitarist of detroit metal city, an independent death metal band that is fast becoming the biggest act in japan, with hordes of fans believing he is indeed a demon from hell who raped and killed his parents. and so... will negishi ever get to embrace his pop dream and lose his virginity to that chick with cute underwear?

the reaction: so you'd know where im coming from, ive never read the manga or watched the anime. im sure they're great (most manga that become anime then become live action are exceptionally good anyways) but my kudos descend upon the movie and the people involved in it. the japanese have yet to crappify my eyes. detroit metal city is breathlessly fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucking awesome. from the great story mirroring the dichotomy of life to the songs that actually sounded like the real deal, there's no denying that the cast and crew sacrificed their blood and soul to get the movie off the ground and go sky high. exaggeration but hyperboles aren't uncalled for when talking about movies like this. it's very entertaining and it made me laugh many times. there was a movie called detroit rock city, also the title of a kiss song, about a kiss cover band trying to get into a kiss concert. now, there's detroit metal city and they even bagged gene simmons (the dude with the long tongue in kiss) to play jack il dark! how cool is that?!

the humongous round of devil horns raised way up in the air goes to kenichi whatshisname. after doing the mysterious coolness that is L in death note, he does an acting 180 as the stupid-looking, soft-mannered, almost gay negishi. seriously, this guy has some balls to accept such a role where he would have to make an ass of himself, singing with his knees stuck together, running like a girl, not to mention wearing that horrendous haircut. sure he gets to portray the death metal demon krauser but negishi is something a normal actor would probably regret including in his resume. unlike death note's raito yagami who was also shuya in battle royale, the actor playing him looks and feels pretty much the same. here, there is literally no sign of L in kenichi. and even though ive seen pics and clips of the movie before watching, i never even realized that he was both negishi and krauser. now that is talent. no pretty boy pinoy actor can disappear in roles like that. plus, he did his own singing for both characters, which required two separate voice actors for the anime. take that, retard gutierrez!

if you love metal, if you love japanese films, heck if you just watch for ideas on your next cosplay, give this movie a chance and detroit metal city will melt your face. if not, you should form a band with your tambourine and call it tetrapot melon tea. as for kenichi somethingsomething, kamui gaiden is up next. yes, sir.


the good: that L guy. his dual performance carries the whole film
the bad: the slightly ridiculous ending. metal buffalo?!
the ugly: penis haircut.
the verdict: 8 chocorape cakes!


jai il dork

or

destroyed mental skizzy.

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WATCHMEN by jaiskizzy

the gist: in alternate 80s america, where once-heralded costumed crimefighters have been outlawed by the government and a globally destructive nuclear war with russia is imminent, a retired superhero known as the comedian is found dead on the street more than a hundred feet below his high-rise apartment, killed by gravity. a former teammate, rorschach, embarks on his own investigation to find the murderer who seems to be particularly offing masked members of the society. old friends are reunited, memories are remembered and walls are repainted (with blood) as the doomsday clock ticks closer to the end of the world.

the review: fuck the long intros. i'll do my best to make this short and quick because the less is said, the better. i liked the movie. given that the graphic novel has been deemed unfilmable for so long and the weird and cool alan moore refuses credit for any adaptation, zack snyder has done quite an achievement. and not only by squeezing a 12-chapter story into a 3-hour movie. you see, there's a dvd out there where they animated the comic book panels and turned it into sort of an audiobooky (because one guy does all the voices, even the female characters) cartoon, reminiscent of the old marvel superhero 2d shows. compared to that, with real actors and actual sets, zack snyder's film is a couple of steps ahead in awesomeness.

yes, the paper version is still way better but the celluloid translation turns it into an entirely new experience. you now hear the voices that uttered those great lines, especially dr. manhattan's which was totally unexpected. (you'd think he would have the mighty otherworldly voice of james earl jones with a sore throat on volume 11 plus extra echo and not mild and boring like my history teacher's in high school. but it works amazingly.) you see them break through the frozen panels and move, sometimes in slow-mo, the constantly morphing inkblot on rorschach's mask alone, the origin of which didnt make it past the cutting room floor, was mesmerizing. i like how the costumes were almost exactly the same, down to the minutemen despite not having that much screen time. i smiled when silk spectre 2's costume was unzipped, not because she was about to get naked, but because it had a zipper, something we rarely see in superhero movies. that zipper contributed to grounding the whole thing in reality.

i never thought that stillwater's lead guitarist would pass off as a god with blue skin who doesn't really give a shit about humans and would effectively portray how the seemingly emotionless character eventually learns to (there is a real smiley face crater in mars btw). but the invisible badass acting award goes to jackie earle haley, the masturbating date in little children. this guy is great. unlike doc, his vocal characterization of rorschach is exactly the way i imagined it in my head. the two moments he screams like a madman were very powerful. perfect segue to my main gripe at the movie: the other actors didnt really do much and acted like they were still two-dimensional drawings. anyways, having read the graphic novel before watching the movie isn't a requirement. it doesn't even assure one would enjoy the film more. if you're the kind of moviegoer who just sits there depending on visuals, expecting rollercoaster ride-type of action, you will be heavily disappointed. watchmen is character-driven and story-driven and, for lack of a better symbolism, it is the kind of film that my father sleeps on. i think my father would be snoring on the theater seat around the time the bob dylan-sung opening credits is over and rorschach begins talking to himself.

though this review is probably a couple of paragraphs short of being a novel itself, there is still so much to be said about the film, a lot of which is open for debate between those who have read the graphic novel and the poor people who havent. it is not the greatest comic book movie ever made (tdk, imho), but it is a feat of filmmaking nonetheless. the movie has brains and balls. i will watch watchmen again.

the good: faithfulness to source material, necessary changes
the bad: bland acting
the ugly: too many cocks.
the verdict: 9 blood-stained smiley face pins


watchamacallboy.

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VALKYRIE by obi

Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert!

Based on actual historical events, "Valkyrie" followed the life of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg from being withdrawn from the German African Front to eventually involving himself on an intricate plot to asassinate the Fuhrer himself, Adolf Hitler, in Germany.

Fresh from injuries sustained on the African battlefield, Stauffenberg is introduced to an underground resistance of high ranking officers and politicians. Their aim: to kill Hitler and propose a peace treaty with the Allies, thus ending the war. In order to machinate the coup, the dissenters rewrite Operation Valkyrie - a protocol that enables the Reserve Army to take over Germany in case of Hitler's death. The resistance omitted the clause that gives the pro-Nazi SS (German special security force) that same privelege, thus the sole control of Germany in case of the Fuhrer's death goes to the head of the Reserve Army, General Fromm.

Stauffenberg got the revised Operation Valkyrie signed by Hitler and in a continued effort by the conspirators, they devise a plan for another asassination attempt. Stauffenberg himself and his adjutant Lieutenant Haeften execute it by planting a bomb on one of Hitler's staff meeting in the Prussian military HQ - Wolf's Lair.

They rig the bomb inside the staff meeting and quickly return to Berlin. Together with the resistance, they force General Fromm to execute Operation Valkyrie believing that Hitler died from the bombing. Fortunately (or rather unfortunately), the Nazi dictator survive the attempt when the bag containing the bomb is moved away from where it will be fatal to the Fuhrer. And just as Stauffenberg and the rest of the conspirators mobilize to occupy Germany, Hitler with help from his trusted SS officers consolidate power and eventually root out the dissenters.

All are either executed or have committed suicide. Colonel Stauffenberg died from firing squad the same night their underground group fail the coup.

The verdict...
The director did a good job of presenting the failed July 20 plot to kill Hitler in a way that it will be moving not only for World War 2 buffs but also to regular Joe viewers. The storyline, although mostly based on factual occurences, has been written to accommodate bits of fiction just enough to make it dramatic.

The production design did a great deal of research. From costumes to props to the actual locations, the film relives that era where the Nazi is at its height of power and makes you visualize how Germany looks like back then. It was as if you're looking at a 1950's movie setting, only not in black and white.

Of course, a posing problem of the film (and also on most Americanized foreign movies) is that characters converse in English. Obviously, expressions and intonations differ a lot between German and English and it may be off-putting for a German to see how lines are delivered or acted out awkwardly. But personally, it should be so trivial to matter if you won't be too anal about it. C'mon, you're probably not a German anyway to care.

Funny thing is that when I checked out the net for photos of the real personalities behind the conspiracy, almost all look like the actors that played them in the movie. Adolf Hitler himself looks really similar to the actor who played his persona (David Bamber). On the top of my list though is Bill Nighy who resembled General Olbricht strikingly accurate. Try to search a photo of the real General Olbricht on the net and compare it with Bill Nighy's depiction so you'll see what I'm talking about.

Great acting. Great production. Great storyline. This movie has the making of a classic if not for Tom Cruise himself. I can't figure out what's wrong with his acting in the film but he seems really out of place among stellar performances by his supporting casts... Terence Stamp (as Ludwig Beck) and Christian Berkel (as Colonel Quirnheim) first come to my mind.

Aside from that, it's totally an experience to watch the movie and worth watching on a good cinema. Know about the later part of the Nazi Germany era on a non-boring way.

8.5 of 10.

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PUSH by obi

Watched this film with the "Stoners" and our guest from Sydney. I can't believe we picked this over "Valkyrie".

Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert!

First, there's the Division - a top secret American bureau of power-wielding individuals. Kira – a “pusher” (she can put thoughts inside people’s minds) – escapes the Division and steals the key to their super serum project. She sneaks herself to Hong Kong where the rest of the story drags on… literally.

In comes Cassie (Dakota Fanning), a “watcher” (a clairvoyant), and her predestined bodyguard Nick (Chris Evans), a “mover” (he’s got telekinesis). According to the latter’s foretelling drawings, they need to look for the serum – and thus look for Kira too – to bring down the Division. When they finally get together, the group seeks aid from other gifted allies as they find out that a Chinese crime ring (led by people with super powers too) is also out lose to find the serum.

In an exaggeratedly brilliant maneuver, Nick devises a plan that throws off both the Division and the Chinese gangster, leading to the demise of the groups’ top dogs and the recovery of the coveted item.

The verdict…
It’s a classic example of an “it could have been better” film.

The production (settings, effects, editing and all) is above average. I’m all praises for the cinematography as they did a good job capturing the hubbub of Hong Kong’s busy districts and present it in a grungy yet still artsy kind of way. This is complemented well by the film’s musical scoring. Nice pick of tracks.

The effects are not outright awesome but are not sloppy either. I like the idea of hovering pistols and another “mover” Victor deflecting bullets with telekinetic barriers. The ripples created around deflected bullets are almost negligible but its addition is an eye-fancy.

Having said these, the down side of the movie is not on its more apparent parts but rather on the slow pacing of the story itself. In such steady pace, usually the characters or the plot get too overdeveloped but in “Push” it’s not. For me, the character development is even not enough. So what’s left in between to fill the prolonged scenes is dragging dialogues and trivial info-feeding.

The concept is actually good no matter how you can relate some aspects of it to some of the latest superhero flicks. Some superhuman abilities are presented in interesting ways like when “pushers” dilate eyes when they shove thoughts in the mind of others or how “shifters” metamorphose things in a whim. The world created by the film itself should be creative enough to be able to play around with a good screenplay but here’s where they fail big time.

While the film slowly creeps towards the climax, the resolution is rushed and unimaginative. Nick’s “genius” plans impossibly snapped right into place and most are obviously forced into happening. One specific scene that made me want to walk out of the cinema is when a henchman crashes on top of a car where Nick is locked up, wrecking its chassis and freeing him out of it. I’m usually forgiving when “luck” is in line with providential happenings on movies but sorry I just can’t stomach to buy this lack of creativity.

The casts are so so. Dakota Fanning (Cassie) is uncharacteristically dull. I particularly don’t dig how she acted when she was supposed to be drunk. She looks more like drugged than drunk. See the difference? Camille Belle (Kira) is cool. Chris Evans (Nick) is so so. Djimon Hounsou (Agent Carver) is convincing as a bad guy. Neil Jackson (Victor) is underexposed when his character rocks and more interesting than the Chinese gangster’s female “watcher”. The Chinese gangster’s pair of male banshees is hilarious but I must admit that the movie is able to pull off depicting a sonic blast.

All in all, it had been just a typical hero flick movie when it could have the materials to come up with something worthy of a good following. The lose ends (lots of them) will definitely need a sequel but I hope its screenplay will not be as crappy.

Four of Ten.

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HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE by jaiskizzy

the gist: shaun from shaun of the dead is now a british magazine editor who gets kicked out of celebrity parties a lot. the dude suddenly calls him up and hires him to be a writer for sharps, a better established publication based in new york. he penetrates america, the magazine, the world of hollywood and desperately wants to do the same to that hot chick from transformers. along with mary jane watson and dana scully, whose ass will he eventually kiss?

this film hits close because i, too, have had the bittersweet experience of working for a magazine. like simon pegg's character, sidney young, i went in ready to shake things up, to introduce fresh blood-ink to the pages. sure i got the chance to do my real passion and get paid for it but it never said in the contract that i had to deal with assholes and complete morons every day. so, i quit that shit and lived to tell the tale. the same cannot be said for sidney. after realizing that his(our) non-conformist attitude was getting him nowhere, he shrugged everything off and wrote the article that was forced upon him. the result: instant success. exclusive party invites, bumping bums with celebrities, even seeing the demise of his enemies. it's great because that's how things are in real life. the easiest way to the top is through someone else's bottom. still, if the only road to fulfilling your dreams is by taking shit from other people, then it's a triumph from shit and nothing to be proud of. but that's just me and my preachy intro.

anyways, as expected, simon pegg was hilarious. liked him in shaun and the bit part he did in missin:impossible 3. here, even with americanized humor, he made the role believably funny with his unlimited supply of witty quips and punchlines. his reactive facial expressions bury the pinoy comedy movie "nye!" and "acheche!" deeper in the corny cemetery. now, jeff bridges. there's a guy we havent seen for a while. after being the bald obadiah stane, it's good to see the dude back in long hair sans the 'stache and beard. his role was small but big, if you catch my drift.

i never understood why kirsten dunst was cast as mary jane in the spider-man movies. peter and harry fight over this snaggletoothed chick? anyways so i really dont get how she bags these "female-character-that-the-main-male-character-goes-nuts-for" roles. she's not attractive at all. like if i was watching flies congregating on dog poo and she walked by naked sucking on a lollipop and twirling pigtailed hair, i wouldnt bother to look. i mean, if it was me who had to choose between her and megan fox, the choice would be pretty obvious. i would definitely, no questions asked, automatically pick my girlfriend over these celebrity bitches. i love you, love.

so...

i liked the story, how it began, how it progressed, but hated how it concluded. i wished it not to go where i expected it to go, but it did and that's where the film failed me. i dont know if the book that this was based on had the same ending but it's the ending of almost about every chick flick that kept tissue manufacturers in business. oh, well... that's why it's called mainstream.


the good: the story and the simon pegg.
the bad: cliche love story ending.
the ugly: the penis.
the verdict: 7 strips of tape on the face.


skizzy old.

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BLINDNESS by jaiskizzy

gist: during rush hour, a japanese guy goes blind behind the wheel with no apparent cause. the mysterious disease seems to be contagious and soon enough, every person he comes into contact with, the optometrist he consults and the other people in the waiting room, suffers the same fate, except for the optometrist's wife who pretends to be blind just to be with her husband. the "white sickness" spreads and the infected are quarantined in a facility where some have lost their sanity as well.

i wouldn't know what to do if i suddenly became blind. i rely too much on my vision, no matter how poor it has gotten. without my eyes, i wouldn't be able to watch movies, read, write, play video games and see my girlfriend's disarming beauty. hence, i wouldn't be able to live. anyways, so i took advantage of my working optic nerves and saw what it would be like if sight was taken away from people in an instant. no explanation, no symptoms and possibly no cure. needless to say, and yet here i am about to say it, it's a disaster. and that's what this film feels like, a disaster movie without floods or meteors or tornadoes and such but is every bit gripping. there were teeth-clenching moments that you'd think im watching a guy about to fall off a cliff but it's just a woman trying to keep her groceries away from the other "shoppers". intense. i guess i shouldn't be that surprised since the movie was directed by the same guy who did city of god and the constant gardener.

i was surprised to see casshern as the first victim. it's obvious that the filmmakers wanted to make the city generic by casting with different races, but this japanese man and his japanese wife and the chinese prime minister seemed out of place. i dont know. maybe it's just me being used to watching asian movies the way they are made. anyways, the story doesn't pick up until the infected are forced into the quarantine facility, where the effects of the sickness are represented by the three wards: the good-natured people, the neutrals, and the sick, evil bastards in ward 3, led by self-proclaimed king, gael garcia bernal. the moment these animals took over, even though they were the last batch to arrive, i was like, if that happened in the philippines, the greedy fucks wouldn't take that long to surface. you just know that even in a small group of pinoys, there's at least one who would immediately horde the supplies for himself/herself.

good, good movie. whether you take the message literally or metaphorically, you'd get it, well, if you're smart enough cause some people would probably just go, so, you'd go crazy if you're blind and shit?! anyway, i wish i could recommend this for family viewing but it has sex and violence so sorry, kids.


good: story, cinematography.
bad: what it all amounts to.
ugly: julianne moore crying.
verdict: 7 phoropters.


skizzy wonder.

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BOLT by jaiskizzy

the gist: bolt is the dog superstar of a tv show, the success of which is built upon the fact that the dog believes everything is real. bolt's person is a girl named penny and he is highly devoted to protecting her. when he is accidentally shipped to new york following an episode cliffhanger of penny being kidnapped by their arch-nemesis dr. calico, the green-eyed man, bolt travels across the states to save her, picking up a sardonic alley cat named mittens and his number one hamster-in-ball fan named rhino along the way. can disney make a great cgi movie without using pixar powers?

well, looks like they can, folks. not all cgi films are rendered equal. many have tried to top the home of luxo jr. the jumping lamp, but most have failed (shark tale, robots, the shrek sequels), only cashing in on the darn kids who'd throw tantrums just watch them. the throne still belongs to pixar but disney was able to deliver a 3d animated film almost at par with their sibling company's brainchildren. almost because, it has quality and great story, the characters are cute and memorable, but it's a traditional disney yarn for the family just woven in glorious cgi. it's exactly what you would expect from a disney movie. not that it's a bad thing per se, i like most of disney's stuff, it just doesn't break the old mold. the moment you enter a screening of a cookie-cutter disney flick, you know that there'll be tearjerking and heartstring pulling, that everything's safe for kids to see and that it's gonna end happy no matter how dire the situation would get. so, yeah, no old yeller ending here.

i really liked the character designs. im always for uniqueness. they're pretty simple--white dog, black cat, furry hamster--and yet they bear no resemblance to anything done before. i dont know, but i just found it cute the first time rhino releases himself from his plastic ball. my favorite though were the pigeons with various accents. they oughta have a spinoff movie. anyways, also, the singularity of the characters owes partly to the voice talents, i guess. john travolta as the voice of the heroic hound was glove. also, i've always been fond of the way the animators incorporate the celebrities voice actors' features to the their animated counterparts and in this case, bolt had john travolta's mouth. cant say the similar to the cat and the hamster because i have no freakin idea who voiced them. mittens kinda sounded like zoeey deschanel but older. whoever did rhino did great in capturing the orgasmic glee of a fan thrust into a once-in-a-lifetime dream adventure.

this film reminds me a lot of an old tv movie entitled c.h.o.m.p.s., about a robot dog (anyone else seen that?!). always liked it when the guy opens up the dog to check the stuff inside. anyways, like a lot of the good stuff from days of long ago, it should never be raped(remade). just watch bolt. and its sure-as-pups eventual sequel.


the good: story, characters
the bad: predictability
the ugly: that penny was voice by bucktooth cyrus
the verdict: 8 sicilian pigeons


dr. calicot, the green-minded man.

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MADAGASCAR 2: ESCAPE TO AFRICA by jeeanfoxy

it was a battle between James Bond and Alex the Lion. the latter won and the decision was made. it was madagascar day today.

oh boy, do i regret it.

my ass was practically bouncing up and down my chair when ferb called to say we were going to watch madagascar 2. well i saw the movie trailer a week ago i swore to myself that i will watch this movie as soon as i get the chance. ferb knew how much i wanted to see it so he invited me to a movie date on the first day of screening (today, 11-7-08). he meant well, but the movie itself disappointed me.

it disappointed me.

the movie takes place immediately after the ending of the previous installment so you can expect that the beginning was rushed and the rest of it dragged. the comedy was cliche and the usual slapstick antics brought in the yawns. there were too many dull moments and in every one, all i could think of was "where are the penguins? penguins! more penguins, goshdarnit!" sadly, it was only the penguins that kept me awake.

has it ever happened to you that while watching a movie, you can easily point out where the story shifts chapters? like for example, it's happy singing dancing lollygagging time, and the next thing you know, the characters are fighting and suddenly turn emo. well you can find many scenes like that in this one. it's like manic-depressive chaos.

or maybe i just expected too much out of it?

i might be ranting too much about an animated movie supposedly made to satisfy the expectations of children, but it's a FAMILY MOVIE, and family movies are supposed to hit the mark for adults as well. madagascar 2 didn't do much for me.

here's another thing that bothered me: the Lion King flashbacks. i had them while watching this. there were too many details close to the lion king that only a kid who watched the original lion king movies would understand. maybe the creators were too lazy to make up a more interesting and original storyline took inspiration from that, perhaps?

madagascar 2's animated animals sure know how to move it. they had their chance in the first one and now in the second one. they're just made to be party-happy i guess, so be it. but then here's madagascar 3 in the works right now and i don't think another serving of dancing lemurs and bipolar animals would be necessary. could someone in the creative team take that story board to the atlantic ocean and let it float away to africa? thank you.

oh my God. the movie is so bad i forgot about the weight of moral fiber.

i've lost my faith in alex, gloria, melman, marty, the annoying lemurs, and even my beloved flightless penguins. they gotta prove me wrong in 2011.

THOUGHT:
a star studded cast doesn't always mean it's a good movie, especially if things aren't executed right.

xoxo
JEEAN

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TETSUO by angel

". . . I enjoy being raped by the machine but at the same time I want to destroy the things that are invading me, the human being."

——Shinya Tsukamoto

Completely insane, unpleasant, visually stimulating oddities and bizarre as hell - TETSUO is a high speed surreal chase that Shinya Tsukamoto pulls off Hollywood mediocrity, he created a film that's both accessible and also capable of showing you things you've never seen before.

The movie begins in an abandoned factory where the metal fetishist is hit by a car driven by a businessman with his girlfriend then dumped the victim into the woods then escaped. The next day starts the telepathic bond between them and the radical grotesque body transformation into a pile of metal junk. Watch out for the disturbing yet funny "erotic" scenes though, it is hard to watch depending on how dark your humor is but still, I’m inclined to laugh don't ask why :P

My only complaints would be Tsukamoto's complete lack in-depth characterization and confusing plot that went on unfortunate directions that makes me scratch me empty head, but in the end, it's primarily a brain teaser, obtuse and makes you squirm.

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